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Author Topic: Non-Stop Crying  (Read 3398 times)

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Offline abeja_reina_1989

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Non-Stop Crying
« on: August 09, 2011, 06:32:02 PM »
Lately, things are really tough. Every little thing that happens sets me off into anger, frustration and in the end; crying. I haven't cried this much in a long time and once my 'fit' is over with, I feel drained and sometimes completely emotionless. I came off med a month ago.. maybe more.. time doesn't make much sense to me lately. I feel like a bad friend, bad fiance, bad person.. not all the time but when I'm in this mood (which is almost constant). I feel like no one likes me sometimes and I second guess most everything that I do.

I don't want to go back on meds, because I want to be strong enough to deal on my own. I want to live the life I was meant to live.. if that makes any sense. Even typing this is hard because I feel like once I post it, my mood may change lol.

I am finding it hard to be thankful for anything when I get in this mood and need some advice on how to get out of it.
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Offline Zaelaura

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Re: Non-Stop Crying
« Reply #1 on: August 09, 2011, 07:41:20 PM »
How many different medications have you tried, and how long have you had anxiety/depression?

There are several studies now that have established that long term anxiety stemming from childhood has a strong link to abnormalities in the brain (amygdala proportions and functions, neurological/electrical connectivity, or hormonal balances). If this is the case with you, medication therapy may still be an important part of maintaining the life you believe you were meant to live...

I really don't want to dissuade you from trying to do this on your own... I just want to make sure you look at all of the information and make a choice that's best for you. To this day, going off of my meds is a recipe for instant disaster in my head and is nearly paralyzing for me. My meds tend to make a lot of things less enjoyable - but over the years I've come to the conclusion that, for me, I would much rather be able to do the things I need to do, be the person my children need me to be, and have a little bit of joy in life than to experience life in 'hi-def' and take those great times off my meds with a side of debilitating emotional pain.
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Offline abeja_reina_1989

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Re: Non-Stop Crying
« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2011, 10:53:51 PM »
I've only tried one and it was working but I got to a point where I think I needed to up the dosage. I've had anxiety and depression probably my whole life (and OCD) but it didn't hit me hard until I turned 20 (I'm 22 now). I was going through a lot, found out my grandma had cancer.. wasn't happy in my relationship.. had to quit my job because of panic attacks. It just took over. So, I got on meds and went to therapy for like 2 months. I know that's not long enough.. I just felt there wasn't anything more to talk about and enjoyed coming on this site and talking to my friends/family. But, it got to a point where I was sick of repeating myself and felt like I was annoying everyone by my random freak outs so I started closing up again. It's almost like being fake and hiding my anxiety.. dealing with it by crying alone in my room and then coming out as if everything was fine was easier. I was sick of being called crazy and all the other names that come along with it.

I came off my meds b/c I wanted to try to prove to myself but mainly others that I can be normal.. I don't know why being 'normal' matters so much to me.. and I know there's no such thing as normal. I don't mean to care so much what others think, but the anxiety takes over and makes me care. I feel like 2 different ppl sometimes. I try to talk myself out of my episodes but that doesn't work a lot of the time. It's very frustrating.

I can't help but be so angry with my mom.. for putting me through all she did. I didn't get to interact like I needed to.. I didn't get to do so many things. I try so hard to not be negative but it affected me for life as much as I didn't want that to happen. I know I'm not weak and I know I can't help it, but I'm just so frustrated. I don't know if I can have normal relationships with people.. even on meds. I feel so off-track sometimes and like the doctors and therapists just don't get it.. Even my own fiance. I know he tries and I love him to death but I know he doesnt get it. He seems to think I can work my way through this.. but even with the meds I need stability and safety in order to function properly. I need to know I have a place to run off to and cry jsut in case it happens.

I work from home and cannot work a real job.. I'm not saying "I can't" because I'm being lazy or weak.. I just know what my body can handle and that's not one of those things. The thought of working alone sets me off into panic. I write from home adn there are days where I can't even do that.. some days I can barely get out of bed and I fear so many things.

I worry that no person would ever be able to be in a relationship with me b/c I'm so hard to handle. I'm not consistent and I cry over the littlest things. A huge part of me is always thinking I should break up with my fiance so he can be free and live a normal life, not being tied down by me. I just feel it's so unfair to him.

Sorry I got off topic.. it feels so good to type this out!! :)

I know you're right and I should get on my meds.. it's just the doctor's visits are so expensive and I don't wanna deal with that anymore. I hate those checkups where you have to pay like $120 just to be asked how you feel and then they give you more meds. They don't even check anything.. it just seems like such a joke to me.

I just wish there was an easier way...

+1 rep :)
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Offline pauly j

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Re: Non-Stop Crying
« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2011, 11:12:24 PM »
Hey Brittany (is it?)

I remember you on the forum from before.  I haven't seen you around lately.  The last I heard you were doing much better.  I am sorry to hear you are going through some tough times.  I know you have the strength and courage to turn things around once again.  We all experience setbacks from time to time, do not fret though, If you did it once, I know you can do it again!  Take care.

pauly j
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It's not what's happening to you now or what has happened in your past that determines who you become. Rather, it's your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you're going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny.
 
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Offline constantmover

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Re: Non-Stop Crying
« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2011, 09:19:58 AM »
I think there comes a time when we all feel that we just are feed up and want off medication...It seems so unnatural to have to take something to feel "normal".  None of us want to be on medication but the reality of it is that for some of us, without medication we simply can't have a "normal" life.  I've done the same thing that you have...gone off meds to prove a point to myself that I can do it and have a nice normal existence without medication.  It didn't work out so well for me.  The crying you are having and the major uncertainty, sleeplessness, questioning relationships...I felt all that when in fact my life really was pretty great.  So, that wasn't a normal reaction. 

Life will always have it's ups and downs and we should be able to feel those feelings if someone passes away or we are having  difficulty in  school, work or a relationship...that is normal and getting angry and crying is normal.  What isn't normal is when the crying and anger is escalated or for really no reason. 

Coming to terms with realizing, to have a normal life may mean being on medication for an extended period of time or in some cases, a lifetime, can be hard to accept.  I know it was definitely for me and in the back of my mind, if I'm being honest, I still have some hope, but when it comes right down to it, I know it isn't in the cards for me and I have learned to accept that.  Like you, I've had this disorder all my life and now, I've decided that I'd rather have a decent life on medication than be miserable off.  Sure it's a pain having to continue going to the doctor and the expense of it, but in the long run, I would much rather have some semblance of a life than not and taking medication does that for me. 

Having said that, if you want to try staying off meds for a little longer, just to be sure, then go for it if you can stand the emotional rollercoaster...It may level out after a while, but if it doesn't, then the medication will end up being a relief for you.  It certainly was for me.  I remember the first time I went off meds and realized it wasn't for me.  I said to my doctor, if I get this notion again, please remind me of this experience as it is not one I want to repeat.  Well, I did repeat it a few years later and I was off meds for about 6 mos.  At first, I thought it wasn't so bad having the odd panic attack and the emotional ups and downs, but my sleep was so badly effected by it which in turn brought on more anxiety and in the end, I was popping ativan to get by.  It was then that I realized that I simply was fooling myself into thinking that I could manage without medication.  I also have a tremor which off medication was really getting hard to handle.  In my case, the medication that I now take helps both the tremor and anxiety.  Regardless of the tremor, it was the anxiety, panic and sleeplessness that convinced me that I need to do something for myself. 

Medication has given me back my life.  It hasn't taken it away.  What you are looking for is a "normal" life when normal doesn't really exist.  Even people who don't need medication have their problems and insecurities but with us they are heightened, so medication only brings us to their level and doesn't change the problems, it just makes us able to cope with them in a more "normal" way.  So if you are looking for normal, then maybe you need to reevaluated your perception of what is normal.
 
On more thing, you mention that you work from home.  That is great but it is also isolating.  It also gives you more time to think a little too much about yourself and your feelings.  It is important to be in touch with your feelings but for some of us with this disorder we become far too obsessed with every emotion, every little issue we have.  Getting out and taking your mind off of yourself and onto something else could really help.  Interacting with other people whether it be in some sport activity or craft...it doesn't really matter.  I could be even a coffee club where a group gets together at a coffee shop once a week.  If you have a dog, take him/her to a dog park.  You need to take the focus off yourself and how you are feeling.  I know that your work can do that but because it is work from home, it isn't as easy to stop focusing on yourself.  Interaction with others, no matter how difficult it is, can really help put your life into perspective.  If you find this far too difficult then start working on CBT to get yourself to the point where you can do this. 

I hope this has been of some help to you.  I feel your pain, but it doesn't have to be this way.  You do have options and certainly redefining the word "normal" would be a great start.
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Offline abeja_reina_1989

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Re: Non-Stop Crying
« Reply #5 on: August 10, 2011, 07:34:45 PM »
Hey Brittany (is it?)

I remember you on the forum from before.  I haven't seen you around lately.  The last I heard you were doing much better.  I am sorry to hear you are going through some tough times.  I know you have the strength and courage to turn things around once again.  We all experience setbacks from time to time, do not fret though, If you did it once, I know you can do it again!  Take care.

pauly j

I know haha.. I was just talking about how much better I was not too long ago. I really thought I was healed. But I guess the meds hadn't totally left my system or something? I dunno. Anyway, I got back on my meds today and it may be in my head but I'm feeling better. I literally cannot cry and I'm not obsessing as much, which is very nice. I'm a mixture of exhausted and amped up if that makes any sense lol.

Thanks for always being there :)
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Offline abeja_reina_1989

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Re: Non-Stop Crying
« Reply #6 on: August 10, 2011, 07:40:05 PM »
I think there comes a time when we all feel that we just are feed up and want off medication...It seems so unnatural to have to take something to feel "normal".  None of us want to be on medication but the reality of it is that for some of us, without medication we simply can't have a "normal" life.  I've done the same thing that you have...gone off meds to prove a point to myself that I can do it and have a nice normal existence without medication.  It didn't work out so well for me.  The crying you are having and the major uncertainty, sleeplessness, questioning relationships...I felt all that when in fact my life really was pretty great.  So, that wasn't a normal reaction. 

Life will always have it's ups and downs and we should be able to feel those feelings if someone passes away or we are having  difficulty in  school, work or a relationship...that is normal and getting angry and crying is normal.  What isn't normal is when the crying and anger is escalated or for really no reason. 

Coming to terms with realizing, to have a normal life may mean being on medication for an extended period of time or in some cases, a lifetime, can be hard to accept.  I know it was definitely for me and in the back of my mind, if I'm being honest, I still have some hope, but when it comes right down to it, I know it isn't in the cards for me and I have learned to accept that.  Like you, I've had this disorder all my life and now, I've decided that I'd rather have a decent life on medication than be miserable off.  Sure it's a pain having to continue going to the doctor and the expense of it, but in the long run, I would much rather have some semblance of a life than not and taking medication does that for me. 

Having said that, if you want to try staying off meds for a little longer, just to be sure, then go for it if you can stand the emotional rollercoaster...It may level out after a while, but if it doesn't, then the medication will end up being a relief for you.  It certainly was for me.  I remember the first time I went off meds and realized it wasn't for me.  I said to my doctor, if I get this notion again, please remind me of this experience as it is not one I want to repeat.  Well, I did repeat it a few years later and I was off meds for about 6 mos.  At first, I thought it wasn't so bad having the odd panic attack and the emotional ups and downs, but my sleep was so badly effected by it which in turn brought on more anxiety and in the end, I was popping ativan to get by.  It was then that I realized that I simply was fooling myself into thinking that I could manage without medication.  I also have a tremor which off medication was really getting hard to handle.  In my case, the medication that I now take helps both the tremor and anxiety.  Regardless of the tremor, it was the anxiety, panic and sleeplessness that convinced me that I need to do something for myself. 

Medication has given me back my life.  It hasn't taken it away.  What you are looking for is a "normal" life when normal doesn't really exist.  Even people who don't need medication have their problems and insecurities but with us they are heightened, so medication only brings us to their level and doesn't change the problems, it just makes us able to cope with them in a more "normal" way.  So if you are looking for normal, then maybe you need to reevaluated your perception of what is normal.
 
On more thing, you mention that you work from home.  That is great but it is also isolating.  It also gives you more time to think a little too much about yourself and your feelings.  It is important to be in touch with your feelings but for some of us with this disorder we become far too obsessed with every emotion, every little issue we have.  Getting out and taking your mind off of yourself and onto something else could really help.  Interacting with other people whether it be in some sport activity or craft...it doesn't really matter.  I could be even a coffee club where a group gets together at a coffee shop once a week.  If you have a dog, take him/her to a dog park.  You need to take the focus off yourself and how you are feeling.  I know that your work can do that but because it is work from home, it isn't as easy to stop focusing on yourself.  Interaction with others, no matter how difficult it is, can really help put your life into perspective.  If you find this far too difficult then start working on CBT to get yourself to the point where you can do this. 

I hope this has been of some help to you.  I feel your pain, but it doesn't have to be this way.  You do have options and certainly redefining the word "normal" would be a great start.

Thanks a lot!! It  always helps to hear these things. It's weird.. even though I know this stuff.. the logic doesn't always help me get through. Thank you so much for taking the time to write all this and tell me about your experience. I'm back on my meds as of today and I think that will give me the push I need to go back to feeling more "normal". I'm not as terrified of everything when I'm on them and even tho I just started taking them today I feel better. Not sure if it's a mental thing or if they really are helping but I feel more at peace.. which is so much better than the constant over-emotional state I was in.
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Offline pauly j

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Re: Non-Stop Crying
« Reply #7 on: August 10, 2011, 10:52:12 PM »
Quote
I know haha.. I was just talking about how much better I was not too long ago. I really thought I was healed. But I guess the meds hadn't totally left my system or something? I dunno. Anyway, I got back on my meds today and it may be in my head but I'm feeling better. I literally cannot cry and I'm not obsessing as much, which is very nice. I'm a mixture of exhausted and amped up if that makes any sense lol.

Thanks for always being there :)

You are an inspiration! 

I still have the question of what will happen when I stop taking my meds.  I am looking to tapering off very shortly.  I have been feeling so much improved for nearly 6 months now.  The reason I remember you is that you posted a darling reply on my "never give up" thread. 

Glad to hear the meds are working well for you once again.  You will be back to your old self in no time.  With the meds and your incredible, positive attitude, success will be yours, no doubt!

pauly j
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It's not what's happening to you now or what has happened in your past that determines who you become. Rather, it's your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you're going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny.
 
- Anthony Robbins

Offline abeja_reina_1989

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Re: Non-Stop Crying
« Reply #8 on: September 13, 2011, 07:50:11 PM »
Thank you :) I really hope so. I try to be as positive as I can. It's tough sometimes but I just gotta take one day at a time I guess. I've realized too, I need more goals in life because without them.. things kinda seem pointless. I'm doing well today. Getting some work done and just focusing on the moment. I've made 20 bucks so far :P


Quote
I know haha.. I was just talking about how much better I was not too long ago. I really thought I was healed. But I guess the meds hadn't totally left my system or something? I dunno. Anyway, I got back on my meds today and it may be in my head but I'm feeling better. I literally cannot cry and I'm not obsessing as much, which is very nice. I'm a mixture of exhausted and amped up if that makes any sense lol.

Thanks for always being there :)

You are an inspiration! 

I still have the question of what will happen when I stop taking my meds.  I am looking to tapering off very shortly.  I have been feeling so much improved for nearly 6 months now.  The reason I remember you is that you posted a darling reply on my "never give up" thread. 

Glad to hear the meds are working well for you once again.  You will be back to your old self in no time.  With the meds and your incredible, positive attitude, success will be yours, no doubt!

pauly j
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Offline constantmover

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Re: Non-Stop Crying
« Reply #9 on: September 14, 2011, 12:55:35 AM »
Setting goals is very important for those of us who have this disorder.  In fact, setting goals is important, in my opinion, for most people and you are right, things do kind of seem pointless without them.  I really feel with your attitude and determination to set more goals and put more meaning into your life, will serve you well with your feeling of self worth. 

Goals can be anything...learn a new language, take up painting, get involved in a business workshop or any kind of volunteer work...there are endless things you can do.  Just make sure whatever it is, it is something you enjoy and that makes you feel fulfilled. 

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Offline Becky143

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Re: Non-Stop Crying
« Reply #10 on: September 14, 2011, 12:32:08 PM »
WOW!!!! I am so glad I read this thread... ( no disrespect) I mean, it helped me. I felt like you were all in my head at one point lol... I can totally relate!! I couldnt even give better advice, because the advice given here was remarkable. God Bless. If you want to know more about me, please read the "book" I just posted in GAD titled, "My first post...." Becky
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Offline abeja_reina_1989

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Re: Non-Stop Crying
« Reply #11 on: September 24, 2011, 10:15:28 PM »
Setting goals is very important for those of us who have this disorder.  In fact, setting goals is important, in my opinion, for most people and you are right, things do kind of seem pointless without them.  I really feel with your attitude and determination to set more goals and put more meaning into your life, will serve you well with your feeling of self worth. 

Goals can be anything...learn a new language, take up painting, get involved in a business workshop or any kind of volunteer work...there are endless things you can do.  Just make sure whatever it is, it is something you enjoy and that makes you feel fulfilled.
I've been doing what I can to get outta the house. Days like today.. I kinda failed. Imma try again tomorrow
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Offline abeja_reina_1989

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Re: Non-Stop Crying
« Reply #12 on: September 24, 2011, 10:16:00 PM »
WOW!!!! I am so glad I read this thread... ( no disrespect) I mean, it helped me. I felt like you were all in my head at one point lol... I can totally relate!! I couldnt even give better advice, because the advice given here was remarkable. God Bless. If you want to know more about me, please read the "book" I just posted in GAD titled, "My first post...." Becky
I'm glad it helped you :) I'm going to read your posts now.
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