I think there comes a time when we all feel that we just are feed up and want off medication...It seems so unnatural to have to take something to feel "normal". None of us want to be on medication but the reality of it is that for some of us, without medication we simply can't have a "normal" life. I've done the same thing that you have...gone off meds to prove a point to myself that I can do it and have a nice normal existence without medication. It didn't work out so well for me. The crying you are having and the major uncertainty, sleeplessness, questioning relationships...I felt all that when in fact my life really was pretty great. So, that wasn't a normal reaction.
Life will always have it's ups and downs and we should be able to feel those feelings if someone passes away or we are having difficulty in school, work or a relationship...that is normal and getting angry and crying is normal. What isn't normal is when the crying and anger is escalated or for really no reason.
Coming to terms with realizing, to have a normal life may mean being on medication for an extended period of time or in some cases, a lifetime, can be hard to accept. I know it was definitely for me and in the back of my mind, if I'm being honest, I still have some hope, but when it comes right down to it, I know it isn't in the cards for me and I have learned to accept that. Like you, I've had this disorder all my life and now, I've decided that I'd rather have a decent life on medication than be miserable off. Sure it's a pain having to continue going to the doctor and the expense of it, but in the long run, I would much rather have some semblance of a life than not and taking medication does that for me.
Having said that, if you want to try staying off meds for a little longer, just to be sure, then go for it if you can stand the emotional rollercoaster...It may level out after a while, but if it doesn't, then the medication will end up being a relief for you. It certainly was for me. I remember the first time I went off meds and realized it wasn't for me. I said to my doctor, if I get this notion again, please remind me of this experience as it is not one I want to repeat. Well, I did repeat it a few years later and I was off meds for about 6 mos. At first, I thought it wasn't so bad having the odd panic attack and the emotional ups and downs, but my sleep was so badly effected by it which in turn brought on more anxiety and in the end, I was popping ativan to get by. It was then that I realized that I simply was fooling myself into thinking that I could manage without medication. I also have a tremor which off medication was really getting hard to handle. In my case, the medication that I now take helps both the tremor and anxiety. Regardless of the tremor, it was the anxiety, panic and sleeplessness that convinced me that I need to do something for myself.
Medication has given me back my life. It hasn't taken it away. What you are looking for is a "normal" life when normal doesn't really exist. Even people who don't need medication have their problems and insecurities but with us they are heightened, so medication only brings us to their level and doesn't change the problems, it just makes us able to cope with them in a more "normal" way. So if you are looking for normal, then maybe you need to reevaluated your perception of what is normal.
On more thing, you mention that you work from home. That is great but it is also isolating. It also gives you more time to think a little too much about yourself and your feelings. It is important to be in touch with your feelings but for some of us with this disorder we become far too obsessed with every emotion, every little issue we have. Getting out and taking your mind off of yourself and onto something else could really help. Interacting with other people whether it be in some sport activity or craft...it doesn't really matter. I could be even a coffee club where a group gets together at a coffee shop once a week. If you have a dog, take him/her to a dog park. You need to take the focus off yourself and how you are feeling. I know that your work can do that but because it is work from home, it isn't as easy to stop focusing on yourself. Interaction with others, no matter how difficult it is, can really help put your life into perspective. If you find this far too difficult then start working on CBT to get yourself to the point where you can do this.
I hope this has been of some help to you. I feel your pain, but it doesn't have to be this way. You do have options and certainly redefining the word "normal" would be a great start.