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Author Topic: 2 months of chasing her, I finally gave up.....?????  (Read 1302 times)

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Offline Ryan B

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2 months of chasing her, I finally gave up.....?????
« on: November 07, 2010, 11:55:46 AM »
OK, so as you know, I have been broken up from my fiancee now for 2 months and I have been chasing her desperately and letting my anxiety get in the way with troublesome comments on texts about desperate attempts to get her back, and etc.

She says this is why she left because as much as I made her happy, I also made her unhappy just as much with my anxiety outbursts.  She says that she still wants to give us a chance because she still cares about me but doesn't know if she still loves me or not because she is afraid of my anxiety issues always getting in the way. She said she desperately wants to see some serious changing in me.  This was 4 days ago, she said this.

Anyway, on Nov. 4, I wrote this e-mail to her:

I don't know if you notice that I deleted you on my ***** friends status or not, but I did. I did this because I realized that everything that reminds me of you makes me weak and tempted to ***** things up more between us.  So I deleted you on my *****, threw away all the cards you gave me, the stuff we bought together is going up on ebay, I deleted your number from my phone, and I am deleting your email address after this email I am writing you.
You know that I love you, and it hurts so bad that you "don't know if you love me anymore", especially after everything we had together. I still stand firm that I thought we were more special than this and we shared alot more than what you're running away from. I know. I know. It's my fault because of my emotions getting in the way and causing you so much grief.
If this is what you want, then I am going to go all the way with it, not to be vindictive, but because this is the only way I will not be tortured by loosing you anymore.. I'm eliminating everything that would remind me of us because it hurts too bad.  I'm even going to go as far as repainting the bedroom.  This is what you wanted, not me, so in order for me to become a happier man, and healthier person, I have to let you go, all of you. This is what you wanted in me, and this is the only way "I" know how to do this.  I'm sorry if this email hurts you, but sometimes you have to realize, like the old cliche, "Be Careful what you wish for, you might just get it". I don't want anymore reminders of you in my life that cause me so much pain.
I love you so much and don't want to loose you, but I know now that I did. I wish you felt the same way about me as I do about you, but sadly you don't.  This is going to be tough for me to do, because I don't want to let you go, but I have to, because if I don't, then I'll continue to be the way you hate so much about me.  Again I'm sorry if I hurt you. I wish you hear this as me saying "yes" to myself, and not "no" to you.  Maybe one day you will. Until then, goodby baby chicken.

Was this email alright?  I haven't had contact since then.
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Offline Grandma

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Re: 2 months of chasing her, I finally gave up.....?????
« Reply #1 on: November 07, 2010, 05:52:11 PM »
I don't know if the email is "alright" or not, and I don't think that is an important question.  It's done, let go of it, and start dealing with the real issue. 

What is the real issue?  It is not getting her back.  The real issue is treating your anxiety so that it no longer negatively influences your life.  If you are not in counselling or on medication, please consider these options.  Also focus on maximizing your physical and emotional health. 

If you are emotionally unhealthy, then any relationship you get into will be emotionally unhealthy.  Please note that I am NOT saying that people with emotional disorders cannot be in healthy relationships - if that were the case, Grandpa and I would not be together!  But just as untreated diabetes or heart disease affect our lives very differently than treated diabetes and heart disease do, untreated anxiety is a recipe for failure, not just in relationships, but in every area of life.  Treating your anxiety will allow you to live a happy, full, and rewarding life, with or without a girlfriend/fiancee/wife.

I know this is incredibly hard to do, but please try to stay out of any relationships until your head is in a much stronger place.  Will you and your fiancee ever get back together?  Who knows!  However, you will be in a much better position to be in love than you are now.
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Offline WineKitty

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Re: 2 months of chasing her, I finally gave up.....?????
« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2010, 02:02:43 PM »
I understand how you feel, its hard when someone breaks your heart. :*(  Been there.

I wouldn't have recommended sending this email but what is done is done.  Move on, the true opposite of love is indifference.  You said your piece now do it. Sorry I know that sounds harsh.  But its probably the most healthy thing for you to do.

Also, not sure that getting rid of everything was such a great idea, you could have always put things in a box in the back of the garage or closet and hung onto it for later although I guess what is the point...I still have a few things from my first disasterous marraige in a box in the closet.  Not really sure why.  I reached the point of indifference years ago (yet years AFTER we split) and it was very liberating.  Moving on is the best gift you can give yourself.  Best of luck and hang in there.
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