Hi. This is my first time posting here. I just need to share what's going on with me.
I recently started a new job, after about 2 years of job hunting. About a month before I was due to start, I started to feel really anxious. At the time, it was the anniversary of my gran dying. I was seeing a guy who didn't want to be my boyfriend and who I suspected was seeing other girls too. I was also about to go away to London for three days, being away from home has been a trigger for my anxiety in the past. About 7 years ago, I suffered a period where I was housebound for a number of weeks. I have got much better than then and able to travel ok. So back to now...
I managed the trip to London. It wasn't all smooth sailing but it was ok. I came back and I just didn't want to get out of bed. I am usually a busy person, always doing different things. That side of me just seems to have disappeared.
I started my new job and I was feeling really spaced out and just crying all the time. I made the decision to finish it was the guy I was seeing as I suspected that was adding to how I was feeling. So, that was over three weeks ago now and constant memories of him are running through my head. I just dont know how to make them stop. I have been strong and not being in touch with him, I know that nothing good can come from getting in touch.
As for my new job, I just feel like I am going to fail. I am filled with constant fear of feeling like I am going to drop to the floor and not be able to get back up. I feel spaced out all the time. My appetite is not what it normally is and I feel sick a lot of time. I am so emotional and can barely make it through the day without crying. I dont really like being on my own. But, then I struggle to be around people in my job. I find it hard to concentrate on what people are saying and I feel really dizzy. I guess I am scared that I am going to lose control. I know that I am not going to but it doesn't stop this for being truly horrible.
I just think I wanted to share how I am feeling. I know that I am the only one who can make it better but it is such a lonely place to be in. I wish I could control my thoughts!!!!!!