Thank you for responding! As a fellow believer, one of my spiritual concerns is that I'm not trusting in God to use His full power if I take medicine. To me that says I'm not trusting in Him. However, I've prayed several times for the anxiety and fear to go away, but it's still there. I guess I need to start looking at it like you do, in that He gave us these medicines to help.
As for physical concerns, I've been using different meds since I was forced to when I was 14. I'm 33 now. I don't think I even needed them back then. I didn't have my first anxiety attack until I was 18. So I've been on and off a handful of different meds. I'm very concerned that by getting my body used to a med, then stopping and getting it used to being without, then starting, stopping, on and on and on, that it's messing up my body and doing real damage to me. I was really sure that this time I'd be able to stop and live a normal life. That was in the beginning of April of this year. I did good for a while, but now it's awful. I'm obsessed with my body. Granted, I have real issues I'm dealing with (sciatica), but I'm taking it to the extreme, like being fearful that I'm going to become paralyzed from it and calling the doctor all the time, etc. And I get depressed and convinced that my husband hates me and I'm not good enough to be a mom and wife and I cry all the time because of how pathetic I feel that I am as a person. Needless to say, I, nor anyone in my family, deserve to be brought down like that. I just want to feel normal, but not by using medicine as my crutch. I beat myself up either way. I'm fearful that if I talk to a doctor about it, they'll just tell me how good the med is because they want to side with the pharmaceutical companies because they're all in it together.
I do start counseling tonight, even though I've been a long time ago and felt it didn't help. It is going to be nice to talk to someone about what's on my mind without fear of judgment.