Hi Holly, you talked yourself out of it once, you can certainly do this again, for it's the same anxiety maze. Not having your ativan to rely on, I'm sure, is really hard, but after all of this, you'll have a gorgeous baby that will take your mind off of all your anxiety.
God bless you during your pregnancy. Put your faith in your ability to be committed to recover. You can do this.
P.S. Do you live in a big city. Here in Philadelphia, I go to Women's Behavioral practice that specializes in pregnancy depression and anxiety.