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Author Topic: Away from home and hurting  (Read 273 times)

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Offline never quit

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Away from home and hurting
« on: August 31, 2014, 05:33:56 PM »
I'm at a spa. Took four hours to drive here. Pretty strong move for someone with GAD I think. Anyway, I did this because I thought it would help my stress and anxiety and depression and loneliness. Right how I feel wretched. Not anxious, just in emotional pain. Lost and despondent. I worked real hard this week and exercised a lot and went to meetings and never really had a chance to sit with myself and FEEL anything. I think this is feelings. I wish I could cry. I feel so desperate and lost and alone. God I hope this passes. I'm so tired of being in pain. How much can a person endure?
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Offline shanlee80

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Re: Away from home and hurting
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2014, 05:44:29 PM »
I have my mom, dad, husband and son near me right now and I feel the same way you do. I have been crying uncontrollably all day. My husband and I are moving into a house 5 minutes from my mom and for some reason I am so overwhelmed with the move and all the changes going on around me that I feel like I cant deal. Hang in there, and know you are not alone. And really, good for you for driving so far from home. I know I couldn't do that!
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Offline never quit

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Re: Away from home and hurting
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2014, 07:14:42 PM »
I'm sorry Shanlee, I hope you feel better soon. Change is hard for anxious people. Seems like in the long run it will be better for you.

My parents are dead, I never married and have no kids, so there's no supportive family network. I forget that people who do have that still suffer.
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Offline Paws

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Re: Away from home and hurting
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2014, 07:21:02 PM »
It will pass. You can always bet on that. Meanwhile, I think it would do you good to try and take your mind off the negatives. I know it's not as easy as it sounds, but the mind can be easily misled. That's why we all have this nasty GAD :P. So, what I propose is this: Instead of dwelling on that dreadful feeling, give your mind something else to think about, like this Spa! You aren't going to stay here forever, and you might as well put your feelings in a box for when you return. Let yourself know you are going to regret missing the chance to enjoy yourself, and your gloominess might just drift away.
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Work hard, and slack harder.

Offline kcg13

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Re: Away from home and hurting
« Reply #4 on: August 31, 2014, 09:27:17 PM »
I am sorry that you are feeling this way.  Sometimes it's good to just let the feelings out.  I personally believe that needs to happen - when you don't it just builds and builds and eventually explodes in one form or another.  For me, when I finally do cry after being anxious, I feel like it's my body's ultimate release of tension - which I am guessing is a good thing (as holding on to that kind of tension can't be good!).  Paws is right though - it will pass - we never feel the same feelings forever.  I also have to agree with Paws about taking your mind off the negative.  Our thoughts dictate our emotions (if I learned anything from CBT - it is that!), and it is so very true.  If you keep thinking about all of the bad or negative things, things you can't control, things you wish you had and don't right now - then you are going to feel completely miserable.  A good place to start is by looking at the positives around you - and you mentioned quite a few ... you are at a spa to hopefully help your anxiety and depression, you made that long drive successfully, you worked hard during the week, exercised, participated in meetings ... all of these things are good things or have some good aspects to them.  You just have to look at them to see it.  Taking care of yourself, working to help your anxiety, and doing your job well are all great things.  Enjoy your time.
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Our thoughts dictate our emotions .... in other words, how you think is what you will feel.

Offline jeremyschaffner

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Re: Away from home and hurting
« Reply #5 on: September 01, 2014, 10:06:11 AM »
I wish I could do what you are doing!  Good for you, focus on the accomplishment of driving 4 hours to do something you really want to do.    :action-smiley-065:
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Online tinam7

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Re: Away from home and hurting
« Reply #6 on: September 01, 2014, 11:32:18 AM »
Dare I say that many of us can identify with what everyone expresses here. No matter who or what is in our life, there are recurring times when we ache, or worse, despair. We go on because we can't do otherwise to those around us. We know good days return. No matter how much we analyze, which I've done for years, we don't know where nature and nurture join to do us in.

Learning about CBT, ACT, journaling, going to classes in what may interest us helps much. I go to yoga, tai chi, zumba, even a meditation class. Have books on meditation. Praise yourself for your effort, as we do, and try and discover what else may interest you. Even good old housework, laundry, cooking favorites, or just walking and connecting with nature, can sometimes get us past the hurting attacks. Wishing you the best.
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Offline worldbeat99

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Re: Away from home and hurting
« Reply #7 on: September 02, 2014, 01:58:36 AM »
Never quit, that sounds awesome to drive a distance to go to a spa.  I experienced a 6 month period of GAD starting this past winter.
I was filled with irrational dread 24/7.  I couldn't access my sense of humor and socialness.  Now after Klonopin and ACT, I'm totally back to
being myself.  I can happen.  There can be an end to suffering when you find the right combination.  Your happiness is worth fighting for.

If you're spiritual or not, chant/pray/hope for the right doctors, rights meds, right therapy.  I thought my GAD was forever, a life sentence.
But it ended in 6 or 7 months.
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Offline never quit

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Re: Away from home and hurting
« Reply #8 on: September 03, 2014, 07:45:59 PM »
After posting a whiny message, I feel I should post when things have gotten better. First, thank you all for your replies, they mean so much.

So I came to this spa (it's actually a pretty cheap little bed and breakfast sort of a place, bargain, nothing fancy) because in my big fat head I knew I needed to take a step back and allow myself to feel for a while. I was scared to come. The first two days were just dreadful. So much pain, fear, etc. But after three days of good food, exercise, massages, social interaction, hikes in the woods and other stuff, I don't feel anxious or depressed at all.

I think I needed a chance to vent some emotion. So this is sort of like medicine that tastes bad at first but makes you better. Somewhat better, at least for a little while. I really hate my anxious life back home. I would do anything to change things so I can feel OK. I live in DC, I HATE it there. I have no friends, not true, I have a few. I have an incredibly demanding job and I just keep delivering, which just builds more pressure. I to home to my empty house and just freak out from fear.

I feel like I'm running from the devil. I stay very, crazily, active. I'm scared to death of stopping because the devil will catch me. I've had some insights. I'm thinking about a very expensive inpatient program, nothing seems to work on my anxiety and depression.

So, I don't realize everyone has the means to run off to a spa for a week, but for what it's worth, it's pretty good medicine.
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Offline kcg13

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Re: Away from home and hurting
« Reply #9 on: September 03, 2014, 08:49:48 PM »
Glad to hear things have gotten better.  It sounds like you needed to step away from life and just slow down.  Maybe that is something you should make a habit of - try to do regularly - to help your anxiety overall.
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Our thoughts dictate our emotions .... in other words, how you think is what you will feel.

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