My anxiety disorder has been affecting me quite badly recently, i guess writing about it here is taking my mind of it, heh.
I've had issues with GAD all my life, and in 2010 it got so bad i was put on meds for it. They worked well and helped me function normally; then eventually i had to be taken off of them due to a bad side effect. Since then i have managed my GAD entirely on my own. I've successfully kept myself balanced and free of anxiety attacks, paralysing fear, etc.
However, in recent weeks i've been suffering bad anxiety bouts. This is due to the fact that in a few weeks i am going to be travelling abroad for the first time in my life. Alone. I've decided to visit a country i've always wanted to visit: a country i even studied for years at university. I'm not far off 30 now, and i feel like anxiety has held me back all my life from doing some of the things i wanted to do. I feel like i need to do these things now, take those chances, before i get too old and live a life of regrets and might-have-beens.
Well, everything is booked. I'm just waiting now. The anxiety is affecting me so badly some days... even in ways i've never known before. I can wake up in the morning with an anxiety attack, terrible stomach pains, and even throw up at times of the day if i eat anything.
What scares me most isn't that i'm going abroad; its that i need to make a connecting flight to get to where i want to be. A 3 hour stopover between the international flight and the domestic one. I'm absolutely terrified of getting lost and missing that connecting flight, of being stranded completely alone away from any help. I've only been to an airport a couple of times in my life, all domestic ones. I've tried reading up on what i have to do on this 3 hour gap (security checks, etc) and despite having a good idea whats involved i am still, frankly, terrified. I have no idea where i'll be going until i touch down there!
This is like a continuing story of combating anxiety for me... last year i had never travelled alone in my own country let alone abroad. Then i had to travel whenever i wanted to get together with my ex so i had to FORCE myself to get on trains (a first in my life at the time) and FORCE myself to go to strange destinations i'd never been before, waaay across the country!
Again, i had no idea what i was doing, how to arrange it all, where i was going; but i got there. I triumphed. Survived safely! Now i am no longer scared of travelling alone in my own country - or taking a train to somewhere, anywhere! I always know how to get from place to how and how to get home again even if the worst should happen. I've pushed back that barrier GAD had constrained me within a world limited to my local city.
I try to tell myself this plane flight to a foreign country is a continuation of this pushback against GAD, of expanding the horizons of what i can and cannot do. That when i succeed in this vacation i will be able to look back and know i can do yet something else i never thought i could.
I used to have a huge fear of flying... so last year i forced myself to go on an airplane, a domestic flight.
Yes, terrified; yes, very ill beforehand. But it cured my fear of flying, haha.
That opened the door to visiting a country i've always wanted to see yet was too scared to climb on board the necessary plane to get to.
Perhaps its reassurance from others here who have flown via connecting flights that i'm hoping to hear from.