Hi Julia, I am new also! nice to meet you.
I know exactly how you are feeling, its really hard to deal with the feelings sometimes, especially when you are starting to feel anxiety in places you feel safe. I can imagine it is really scary. Are you currently going to therapy or on any medication to calm down your anxiety? If you don't mind me asking that is. I myself feel like I have hit rock bottom with my anxiety and have turned to medication and its still not enough. Sometimes you need therapy and medication, I am just trying to think positive and take it one day at a time, thats my best advice. Also, having a strong support system really helps. Do you have anyone that you can go to that understands what you are going through, or at least tries to?