I was doing well for so long, but it's all completely broken apart for me now. I'm full of terror at my immediate and far futures.
First, my best friend suddenly died this month. He was only a little older than me, in his late 20s. Perfectly healthy, then one day he had an aneurysm and died. I was already half-crazed with grief over that, then I found out that my aunt had two precancerous polyps in her colon removed, the exact kind of cancer that my mom died from. I now have TWO first-degree relatives who have (or would have had) it, meaning my predisposition is VERY high. Even after she had the polyps removed, her doctor still thinks she might have esophageal cancer and has sent her for a test. And then I found out that another one of my friends, who is only in his late 30s, has rectal cancer and is in the ICU with end-stage symptoms and probably won't last much longer. As a HA sufferer, just think of what this has done to shatter the year plus of positive thinking I've built up for myself.
And now even I'M having symptoms, real physical symptoms that won't go away no matter what I do. For the past two weeks or so, I've had a pain at a spot in my esophagus with every single swallow of food. I've been having this on and off for months, but it usually only lasted a few days and then went away on its own. It won't now. I swallow, and about 2-3 seconds later I feel this little "sting" in a specific spot right before it makes it to the bottom. I've been taking prescription strength antacids to promote healing in case it was just GERD or a wound that wouldn't heal because of exposure to acid...nothing's helping. I still refuse to google, but I can't even imagine what it would be at this point that isn't harmful......too terrified to see a doctor. I'm 26, male, in relatively good health otherwise, not fatigued or anything, extremely anxious and depressed though. I can't find a doc who will give me a prescription for anxiety meds so I asked my dad for some of his to see if the pain disappeared when I took them. It didn't. I think I'm going to lose my mind because after all that's happened it just feels like I'm next......I'm afraid to eat every day now because I don't want to feel the sensation and think about it the whole day. It's hard not to run screaming out of work and I spend all day in bed when I get home. Is there ANY way to get out of this? Any reassurance at all that something isn't wrong with me in light of the symptoms I've described? All of my gratitude to anyone who can help.....thank you all.