As some of you know I've been going through a lot of fears lately, but now I'm going to give you all a background as to what's going on in my life to fuller detail.
So--I moved to a different state about a half a year after my father passed away in a motor accident (completely unexpected)
I had lived in said state for 13 years of my life and now I live in one that my mom grew up in so a lot of her family is here.
We've lived here for a year now but I don't have a job or friends. I went to college for a semester and I was good.
But once it was over and I was no longer really socializing or had distractions my anxiety started gradually getting worse.
Last week of July I woke up with anxiety and it's been a anxiety roller coaster ever since.
I bumped up my buspar to 30 mg a day instead of 10 mg a day and I've been doing that for about half a month now.
Then just last week since my ativan wasn't working anymore I asked for klonopin to see how it would go. So now I have .5 mg of klonopin to take (As needed twice a day)
I don't take it that much, but I know that it's a medication used to treat seizures.
(I also take 20 mg of Lexapro but I've been taking that for about 4 or 5 years?)
With the change of mgs of medication I've been having a lot of DP/DR
It's very stressful since I'm acting like myself (besides being anxious) but I haven't really felt like myself on the inside.
Which I know is common with DP/DR
now onto symptoms:
- Body Tremors
- Headaches / Fogginess
- Weakness in limbs and face (hands, feet, arms)
- Not getting much sleep / keep waking up at random times
- Face pain and ear aches
- Eye fogginess
- and pretty much any physical symptom that can come with anxiety
Now on Halloween it'll mark the two year mark of losing my father.
I keep fearing everything, brain tumors, seizures (from the body tremors), ALS.
I don't know how to get out of this vicious cycle. I keep telling myself it's my anxiety.
But I'm afraid that the klonopin will trigger seizures and the fact that none of my anxiety is going away must be because I have a tumor in my brain.
I used an ear cleaning kit yesterday and it helped with my DP/DR so I'm thinking that a lot of that had to do with my sinuses being clogged?
I live in a part of the new state where there's not many available resources.
I can't have a counselor because none of them take my insurance, there aren't any group things to go to.
I have a doctor's appointment on the 4th which is the soonest I could get in.
I keep going out and doing things with my mom and some family members but nothing really seems to help.
I've tried so many natural anxiety things too like yoga,
vitamins, but nothing relieves me for very long.
Friends from where I used to live were supposed to come visit me but of course things in their life came up (Which is ok) but I feel miserable and I try to stay positive (fake it until I make it) but that's so much easier said than done.
I feel like all of this stress and anxiety is going to throw me off the deep end.
I'm gonna try and get a job, but I fear that wont help either. I'm just so frustrated.