Ok, I seriously donīt know how much more of this I can take. Given that itīs indeed anxiety and not some serious neuro disorder, how do I relax my muscles? Every single muscle fibre in my body is tense to the point of bursting, and I canīt take this feeling any more. It hurts, not just this achy feeling, but actual (and quite severe) pain.
Iīve been through "real" pain before in my life, Iīve broken most bones, dislocated joints and even been stabbed with a knife, but nothing has ever caused me such a long-lasting pain as this. I know you all think I must exaggerate, but I donīt. Itīs unbareable.
I canīt even smile like a normal person anymore. I donīt mean that in the emotional way, i.e. "Iīm so sad I canīt smile", but i litteraly CANīT smile. My facial muscles are so stiff that my smile looks severly off. The corners of my outh opens up when I smile wide, and they havenīt done that before. How do I handle this?
Is this really just anxiety? I mean, my logic tells me that sleep at least would help lessen some of the stiffness and such. But it doesnīt. On top of that Iīve started to have night sweats from hell, and nightmares that are beyond my imagination.
Every single night itīs the same thing, if I by some off-chance manages to fall asleep, then I get these nightmares (and they are so real). Most as of late has been about Afghanistan, and I donīt know what to do about it. It sounds like such a sob story to speak of how hard of a time one had when stationed abroad, and I feel like such a wuss for even thinking like this. I mean, I got to come back from that hell hole of a place, most of the people I met there didnīt have anywhere else to return to.
I hate what this does to me; when I look through my posts on this forum all I can see is an never-ending pity fest, and I hate that cause thatīs not who I am. Iīm not selfish. Or thatīs not true anymore, the "new" me canīt manage to do anything but feel sorry for myself.