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Author Topic: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears  (Read 1290 times)

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Offline LadyH

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #30 on: August 28, 2014, 01:08:43 PM »
HI all,
I have managed to take a couple of pictures which I feel show more what I was trying to explain to you,

The big dimple, trust me- isn't cellulite, (Those dimples at the back are but not hat big one on the side!!), it's a hard, dent, dip in the muscle.

And can you see what I mean with how when I lift the leg, the muscle falls away to the front and leaves the side all empty & flat and scary like that? Trust me, it's not like that on the other side.

Sorry (especially Shawn) if I am sounding like a broken freaking record here, but I really have no outlet for this at the moment (just sorting out therapy) and I think posting here and getting your guys input and replies is the only thing that talks me down from totally losing it at the moment. There's no-one else I can approach with this problem.

Please give me your honest thoughts on the leg, and please hold in mind that this is the leg that is constantly rumbling, buzzing, hurting, aching, shaking, vibrating etc. Since it started around 3 weeks ago, it's only gotten worse, never better.

The muscles around it hurt too, like they've been strained, at the front and in my butt. In my head what that is, is those muscles having to work overtime to compensate for the one that's wasting.

It's this big dent that scares me, coupled with the dimple/ hole.

Help please!!!
Hxx

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Offline sixpack

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MOST anxiety occurs on a subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state

Offline ShawnW

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #32 on: August 28, 2014, 03:26:20 PM »
You either believe us or you don't.  That is entirely your choice.
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My insight, thoughts, experiences or advice that may be posted in this forum are not meant as a substitution for the advice of your physician.

Want to know how to address your anxiety?
http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,93402.msg521266.html#msg521266

Offline LadyH

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #33 on: August 28, 2014, 03:34:38 PM »
Okay, thanks guys, message received,

Thank you
Hx
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Offline mollyfin

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #34 on: August 29, 2014, 12:02:21 AM »
Probably a weird question, but - does your dent line up with something you lean against?  A bathroom counter, etc?  Do you exercise often?

I googled it - don't YOU dare do that! - because I KNOW this is not ALS but I was curious about what it might be.  And most of the results seem to be from confused body builders and runners who have them, don't know where they came from, and, in some cases, are reporting back in months or years saying they went away on their own.  One person said it was a damaged quad muscle, and it caused them weakness and awkward gait when running, but it went away in a few months, and their cause was simply leaning against a counter at that height at their workplace.  They stopped doing that, and it went away.  Same thing from a woman who applied makeup against a bathroom sink at that height. 
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Offline LadyH

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #35 on: August 29, 2014, 02:37:20 AM »
Hi Mollyfin,
There's nothing that I can think of that I lean against, it's a bit low on the thigh & I'm very short so I don't know what would be that height.

Yes I do exercise alot, 4-5 times a week when possible. I run half marathons, tough mudders(14 Mille assault courses designed by the SAS through thick mud, google them, they're so fun!), swimming, gym, yoga. I love to exercise, lately it's been the only time I've felt normal and while I've still not been able to forget and get rid of all my horrible thoughts, it does suffice as a bit of a break. When I was having a hard time with depression years ago, I self medicated with running. So I've upped my game this time around & am self medicating like a crazy person.
So you think the dent could be from exercise? Thanks for saying you can see it , I feel less crazy!!!


I took a 6km run last night, which is a short run for me, and as soon as I got in, both calf muscles were so right and feel like they are on the verge if cramping. This is so strange and has never happened before, I've just woken up from some good sleep & they're still the same, super tight and feel like cramp.
When a new thing like this happens, it reassures me somewhat because the more things that pop up over my body, the more likely to me that it's anxiety going nuts.
Obviously though I still don't like it, feel out of tune with my body, never know what it's going to throw at me next.

Hxx
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Offline bearsfb66

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #36 on: August 29, 2014, 11:19:06 AM »
If it helps I run, workout, and also compete in the Maniac Races. I workout 6 days a week. I too have muscle twitches and perceived muscle atrophy. I've have uneven muscle in my forearms and legs. I can show you a picture of both my thumbs and my left thumb is bigger than my right thumb. Just remember we are not the same size on both sides. My thumb difference is due in high school when I broke my right thumb and had it in a cast for several weeks. If you are working out as much as you are you 1,000,000% do not have ALS. I too fear it right now and I can bench press 360lbs and I'm pretty sure no matter what stage I'd be in its not ALS. If you had atrophy due to ALS you would not be able to run let alone walk correctly. No ifs...ands....or buts....about it you are fine! Go run and be thankful for good health.
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Offline LadyH

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #37 on: September 06, 2014, 03:20:24 PM »
HI everyone,
Sorry for dragging this up again but have a had a rotten few days,
Everything I was experiencing, the issues with the leg and all the twitching are still there, yay.
I had some perceived weakness in my left arm and particularly 2 of my fingers the last few days too, but this doesn't seem ti have gotten any worse.

What has very much scared me now:
I have noticed that my Uvular deviates to my left, and then I got thinking about the fact that I can't yawn (I have the urge to yawn, but can't "complete" it, and it's weird and horrible). That's been the case for 6 weeks plus. And so now my mind is focussed on the fact that this is obviously because my plate etc. has starter to collapse, making my uvular deviate, and causing me not to be able to yawn, because now the more I think about it, that is the point that my yawn stops, that's where it feels stuck- right at the back of my throat there.

Help help, in a downward spiral in my head right now, really struggling to see this one form a rational perspective.
All respondents welcome, help me out with this one guys,

Thank you,
Hxx
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Offline fishmanpa

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #38 on: September 06, 2014, 04:35:27 PM »
Lady H,

From a rational perspective, your leg looks like a leg. Nothing more (unless you choose to post it ~lol~ Sorry... men will be men) or nothing less! I can't help but visualizing what it looks like to see you self checking. You're doing things in front of a mirror that even medical professionals, trained, based on decades of knowledge aren't checking for and finding irregularities in your mind, making them real physical symptoms.

You do have an illness... Anxiety! Medical professionals have ruled out anything sinister. What does that leave?

Positive thoughts
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"Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings in your life. Live. Love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest doesn't matter!."  King Solomon.

Offline sixpack

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #39 on: September 06, 2014, 04:41:31 PM »
ask yourself what time frame are you going to give this horrific disease to cause you some REALLY serious limitations.  As you know this is a pretty darned fast moving disease

So let's say:

by October you should see real inability to do ______

by December you shouldn't be able to walk without a cane?

by March you won't be able walk with out a walker.

I can go on, but you get my drift right?  How long do you think ALS will take to really hamper your life? I mean it IS hampering your life now at least psychologically.  But I am looking for REAL clinical evidence.  OR when neighbors start to say, "Hey LadyH what is going on?"

I mean this disease is an easy one to eliminate just based on a 4-6 month time frame....

well, of course, you can always throw in the monkey wrench that in your case  you have an atypical presentation. cuz you know we hypos  :winking0008:


so, honestly and rationally,  what is your time frame when you will tell yourself that it CAN'T be ALS?

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MOST anxiety occurs on a subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state

Offline bearsfb66

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #40 on: September 06, 2014, 05:22:24 PM »
Lady H,

I'm not going to give you the reassurance you are looking for that you don't have ALS because it is not working for you. Here is my advice from a 30 year old who went through the same fear last year and still have my fears. You are missing a lot of things by sitting in front of a computer and worrying about this ALS fear. You are missing the opportunities to meet Mr. Right, your dream job, or just enjoying life. In my line of work I learned life is extremely short and it goes by quicker than we plan. You have two  options right now, first continue to worry and search, or start finding mental health recovery. Your nervous system is so ramped up right now I'm not surprised you are having new symptoms. But symptoms of what????? ITS SYMPTOMS OF ANXIETY, STRESS, AND DEPRESSION. Your mind is a powerful thing and can do amazing things. I encourage you to take the rest of the weekend and step away from the computer and take the time to reflect on YOU and recovery. One thing I wouldn't recommend is taking a step away to drink alcohol as you try to collect your thoughts (just advice) because it could make your fears worse. Monday try to be more relaxed and if you are still in fear please make an appointment with your doctor or psychiatrist. They know you more than we do and maybe they can give you better insight. Prior to seeing a doctor make a list of whats going on and show them. Tell them your fears and explain to them what is going on. I'm 100% confident they will tell you what we are telling you "YOU DON'T HAVE ALS!" Lady H, you have a long life ahead of you.....GO OUT AND ENJOY IT!!!!

Bears
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Offline LadyH

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #41 on: September 06, 2014, 05:53:53 PM »
Hi everyone, thanks for your replies, always much appreciated!

@sixpack, Yes I see what you are saying and obviously I have these thoughts that "If I'm still okay by _____ then I'll know I'm alright". I had actually in my mind,  a half marathon I am running at the beginning of October, and if I'm able to do that then I know I"m okay..... But I also feel that you know, that will role around and after that the deadline will move.... etc etc....
If you want me to actually answer that, given it's been over a month since the first symptoms, and 3ish weeks since the scariest ones.... I would say Christmas. If I'm still alright at Christmas, maybe I can let this go....... I don't know, how can I make it to Christmas?!

I know we're not supposed to- but I do feel like another trip to the doctor will happen. I do actually think it would help me, I have only seen a GP once, over a month ago now, and I feel that new things have happened since then. I do think if I can show him all my concerns, and he can tell me I am fine, then I think I can move forward from that. Take that ti my new CBT therapist and work ti through with them.
I've been putting it off as I'm going on holiday on Weds, and my mind keeps telling me "one more happy holiday before you find out you're dying & it's game over". I'd been too worried about going before hand. I will have to wait till I'm back now.

It's hard, as I feel rational, I feel like I'm rationalising things out and coming to a logical conclusion, so actually bears- Totally appreciate your enthusiasm! But being told in a rational explanation actually helps me out- like a differential diagnosis to what I think!!

Fishmanpa is right, and I do obsessively self check & examine and obviously I don't know why as it never reassures me. Well I guess it does sometimes actually- like when I can hop on my "bad leg" 10 times as easy as I can on my right, that makes me feel a bit better- until tomorrow when I see if I can still do it. It's like a little top up that keeps me going. I find it hard when there are physical things that I can see & feel, it's impossible to let those go.

Hxx

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Offline sixpack

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #42 on: September 06, 2014, 07:01:48 PM »
Hey I was just wondering because I see some folks just dragging that fear around month after month fearing it because it is quick and deadly.  Then they seem to forget how quickly it progresses, because  4, 5, 6 months down the line that they are still no worse off physically than they were when they first began fearing it.   Oh they are psychologically a basket case, and they may have lost 10 pounds but physically they are still doing normal life things.  Yet they are still JUST as sure they have it.      So I am just wondering when your cut off will be...


btw-- your idea that another doc trip will help you.........  I mean it is your prerogative.  you can see a doc  or not.............. but, yeah, logically, I don't think it will.  it is a common refrain around here:  I will get a second opinion and I will be sure then   or I really feel one more doc visit will help me because <insert whatever reason hre>.     You obviously should do what you want, but don't be surprised if you don't get the long term results that you expect.


good luck and be well.
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MOST anxiety occurs on a subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state

Offline LadyH

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #43 on: September 07, 2014, 01:52:32 PM »
Hi Sixpack,
Appreciate your advice on the Doctors visit.
I've only been once to a GP, and I do feel there are more things that have happened since. I've been aware that it may not be a good idea, hence why I've been fighting hard not to for the last 5 weeks! If the physical side of things do persist, I do feel that I have no choice but to go. That one is a real catch 22 isn't it.

Still struggling in a big way about the things I was yesterday, overwhelming isn't it. Can't shut my mind up telling me all these things. Obsessed now that the yawning is from my Larynx giving up, been swallowing constantly all day after waking up with a sore throat!!
Arm feeling weak still, twitching like a maniac, and of course we all know how i feel about the lumpy dented shrinking leg!!

Wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone.
Hxx
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Offline LadyH

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Re: Shaking aching shrinking thigh! Big MND fears
« Reply #44 on: September 09, 2014, 07:40:42 AM »
Hello everyone,
I just feel the need to update the new things and keep this going...

Last night I was experiencing a shooting pain down the fingers of my left hand and especially the middle finger, it was like an electric zap shooting down.

I've been struggling with my MND fear for well over a month now, and have body wide twitching, issues with muscle dents & (what I believe to be) wasting in my left thigh.

The body wide twitching, I think its mainly in my bigger more used muscles, especially the legs- thighs, bum and calves, occasionally in my biceps and arms, sometimes a little in my face. A muscle inside my ear was twitching for a while last night which was really weird. They tend to be one off "thumps" of twitches, maybe a few an hour, occasionally spasm ones that will be intense for a short time.

My left arm/ hand has been sluggish, tight and painful the last few days.

I also feel problems with my throat, tightness, compulsion to swallow lot's, I've not been able to yawn for over two months.

I get painful stabbing pains all over my body, often in both thighs, had one in my shoulder this morning that was really quite painful.

The left leg is very stiff, very sore in the foot also.

Just putting this out there
Hxx
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