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Author Topic: Somewhat New to Depression  (Read 189 times)

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Offline snew13

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Somewhat New to Depression
« on: August 13, 2014, 04:31:03 PM »
Hello,
I've been posting here for generalized anxiety/panic disorder and OCD/hypochondria for about a year now. I've been dealing with really bad depression lately and while I've always had bouts of depression, it's never been THIS weighing on me. Even typing this feels like a huge chore/burden because it requires effort. I have a wonderful life. I'm a 24 year old healthy male, full-time music teacher, living on my own with a great roommate, supportive family and lots of wonderful church friends and townies I've met since starting my career out of college 1 year ago. However, I have been sleeping TERRIBLY lately. I will sleep all through the night and wake up exhausted every single day with huge bags under my eyes no matter what. Instead of feeling my typical anxiety, I wake up feeling like death (extreme fatigue, weakness, appetite changes, exhaustion, restlessness, brain fog). I'm also accompanied by thoughts of hopelessness, low self-esteem, no motivation, and feeling like I weigh way more than I actually do which means it's hard to do anything during the day. I've lost interest in my job and the things I used to enjoy. Just so you know, I've NEVER contemplated ***** but worry "what if I go crazy and go suicidal?" It feels terrible to be in my own body...almost like having cancer or something. I've been feeling this way for about 2 weeks now. 2 weeks ago I was super happy, as I moved into a new apartment and had lots of friends help me with it. It felt like a new beginning. But now I'm just sad and depressed. I take Xanax and Metoprolol (to slow my heart down when it beats super fast from anxiety) but don't want to take them because I don't want to become addicted. I've tried just about every SSRI out there and have never had any luck (Zoloft, Welbutrin XL, Lexapro, Paxil, Prozac). Any encouragement for a fellow brother here?
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Somewhat New to Depression
« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2014, 08:45:50 AM »
Want to post to try and say, no matter what, S is never, never an option because you cannot do this to those you leave behind. So please commit to this resolution.

Depression and its treatment are given more attention currently. Sometimes it takes experimenting with meds to find the best combination. Or you try and go it alone, as I do. Recognize all the specifics you mention and fight them. On better days I try to think my way out of the pit. Figured out early conditioning in my life, learned about CBT, ACT, turned to daily meditation, yoga, tai chi, journaling. Keep busy. Focus on expectations. Is happiness a daily reward? Just some thoughts.
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Offline cravenmobile

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Re: Somewhat New to Depression
« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2014, 01:27:45 PM »
I still find it strange that this site edits out the "S" word. How can we positively address something if we act in fear of it?
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Somewhat New to Depression
« Reply #3 on: August 16, 2014, 08:27:27 AM »
Dearth in any form remains a taboo. So we get around it and address it anyway. My attitude is gratitude for the site. For now, this is how it is. Maybe it will change, in time.

We can discuss depression and know what it can lead to (Robin Williams). It can be discussed to prevent copycats. It can be a slippery slope and so must be approached with caution.
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Offline cravenmobile

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Re: Somewhat New to Depression
« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2014, 09:56:51 PM »
I suppose you are right there. It isn't the type of subject we should hit with a baseball bat.
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