I've been posting here for generalized anxiety/panic disorder and OCD/hypochondria for about a year now. I've been dealing with really bad depression lately and while I've always had bouts of depression, it's never been THIS weighing on me. Even typing this feels like a huge chore/burden because it requires effort. I have a wonderful life. I'm a 24 year old healthy male, full-time music teacher, living on my own with a great roommate, supportive family and lots of wonderful church friends and townies I've met since starting my career out of college 1 year ago. However, I have been sleeping TERRIBLY lately. I will sleep all through the night and wake up exhausted every single day with huge bags under my eyes no matter what. Instead of feeling my typical anxiety, I wake up feeling like death (extreme fatigue, weakness, appetite changes, exhaustion, restlessness, brain fog). I'm also accompanied by thoughts of hopelessness, low self-esteem, no motivation, and feeling like I weigh way more than I actually do which means it's hard to do anything during the day. I've lost interest in my job and the things I used to enjoy. Just so you know, I've NEVER contemplated ***** but worry "what if I go crazy and go suicidal?" It feels terrible to be in my own body...almost like having cancer or something. I've been feeling this way for about 2 weeks now. 2 weeks ago I was super happy, as I moved into a new apartment and had lots of friends help me with it. It felt like a new beginning. But now I'm just sad and depressed. I take Xanax and Metoprolol (to slow my heart down when it beats super fast from anxiety) but don't want to take them because I don't want to become addicted. I've tried just about every SSRI out there and have never had any luck (Zoloft, Welbutrin XL, Lexapro, Paxil, Prozac). Any encouragement for a fellow brother here?