whatever you are saying, first it seems that you are much concern about what others think, which is something that has no solution except to get rid of it. I will help you. i used to be like you, always questioning who i am, what i do and what will others think everytime i do something. but then i read this somewhere that, "If you will think what others think, then what will others think" well, i accept i doesnt make much sense but i mean, do not care about others. Do what you want to do. people will say and leave. its their job to gossip but that doesnt mean that you have to worry, it will be their opinion not truth.
and about other thing, man you gotta learn to love yourself, love your company, start talking to yourself. Dont worry. just think if you, yourself wont enjoy your company who else will? take time, and how to do? well, take a piece of paper and start writing all good things you've done by now. then what things you are good at. appreciate every small thing. Talk to people. Interact with them and if you dont have anyone to talk to, start calling customer care numbers with any foolish doubts. its their job and they wont hang on you. Hope helped. Enjoy the life. Love your self.