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Author Topic: Depersonalization caused my anxiety?  (Read 320 times)

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Offline 59Ballons

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Depersonalization caused my anxiety?
« on: July 06, 2014, 07:02:45 PM »
For some reason, 4 months ago, I started thinking about life's existence. Like why we are here, ect. I would continue to deep think, and then that caused really strong Depersonalization and Derealization. Then, every day I would wake up and start thinking about that weird feeling, and I got into this cycle where I felt weird so much that I felt strange *being alive*. I started feeling super-conscious and super-aware of my own existence, and I started asking myself these weird questions like am I really a human? Is life all a game? And then, I became a Solipsist! (http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solipsism) I became this for a week, and I had to pull myself out of this. I continued to think about these weird questions, and I got into a loop of: Feel weird, ask questions, freak out, feel upset because I am questioning life itself, feel weird, repeat. I feel like I have two lives... One life is when I'm distracted from these feelings and I feel normal, and the second life filled with anxiety and self-awareness. I feel dread when I think ahead, and it's almost like I hate being alive! But that's crazy! I feel trapped in my own body! But all of this goes away 100% when I'm distracted. It's insane because I feel like I have to be distracted from my own thoughts in order to live. Sometimes I am able to let these thoughts be... But that only lasts a day or two. No matter how much I tell myself that these are just thoughts, I can't STAND feeling afraid of being alive. I can't relax because I know that I have these problems to be worried about. Are these anxiety symptoms? Thanks for reading. I needed to vent. Anyone else feel this way?
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Offline ObiLaws

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Re: Depersonalization caused my anxiety?
« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2014, 01:30:58 PM »
First of all, I note that 82 people have looked at your post and haven't replied, so I wanted to break that trend. I also note that it's been a couple weeks since you posted this, and I hope you're okay! I understand how demoralizing it can be to call out for help like this and get nothing back. If you're like me though, you've been searching around on the forums and know that there are other people who feel and have felt this way and have been perfectly okay.

Now then, about how you feel and think, I'm having the exact same issue, right down to the solipsism. My problem is that the solipsism led to another issue. My first thought was, "What if everything around me is just a figment of my imagination?" Following that, for whatever reason, my mind came up with, "If all this isn't real, I can hurt people and it won't matter." Maybe it was something I read, saw, or heard. Anyway, this of course scared the hell out of me because I would never want to do that. So, you see, already we're sane because we have a rational part of our brain telling us that these thoughts are crazy. Even though I have this fear that everything around me isn't real, my rational brain is still in there somewhere. But with anxiety there's always the doubt, that niggling, "But what if you are insane?" that shows up. I too can feel better for a while if I get my mind off of it but it always comes back because of my fear that if I don't keep checking on it and monitoring it I will go insane, or rather, that I will somehow lose control and hurt people, because as long as I'm in control I know I won't let myself hurt anyone.

And this is where health anxiety shows its OCD side. I've read several posts where people compare the two and even say they're connected and the two often show signs of each other, and this is exactly that. Ego-dystonic intrusive thoughts, obsessive thoughts, checking, anxiety, mind loops. Those are all very common in sufferers of OCD and health anxiety, so I too believe the two to be connected. In fact, I've come to think that since all anxiety disorders are connected, it's entirely possible for people to have little bits and pieces here and there of different anxiety disorders rolled together, so it's entirely possible for a GAD sufferer to have obsessive, intrusive thoughts like an OCD sufferer without having full-blown OCD.

So hopefully this brings you some comfort in your struggles, knowing that you're not alone. I don't know if you've had Harm OCD type issues like I've had but the fact that you've suffered with this for close to 5 months and are still here brings me some hope. I'm always here to talk to if you need somebody, just pm me. Hope to hear from you soon.  :happy0151:

Cody
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Offline Never-Quit

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Re: Depersonalization caused my anxiety?
« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2014, 01:46:51 PM »
I hope you feel better, Depersonalization and Derealization are just nightmares, that I had them personally for a couple of years.

Long story short, they found my problem to be OCD related disorder, OCD is regarded by most doctors as a biological problem, not a psychological one.  Research now appears to zooming in on Genetic and Hereditary causes... In other words, in might possibly run in your family.

Check the link below and let me know how you do this OCD test - instead of 'Googling yourself into a panic attack' lets see if we can at least get some medical answers from trusted sources.

http://www.anxietyzone.com/NIMHocd.pdf - OCD - Self-test

Please let us know how you did on the self-test?

Keeping moving forward  :grinning-smiley-003:

You have a bright future waiting for you  :nature-smiley-016:
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“You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you."   ~ John Wooden

Offline 59Ballons

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Re: Depersonalization caused my anxiety?
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2014, 01:52:16 PM »
Thank you ObiLaws! Since I wrote this post I have gotten better. I have started to rationalize in my mind that all of this is just my anxiety, and I am not really going insane. I still feel way too conscious of my existence, and I often obsess over that. I also often think about life itself, and the fact that I obsessing OVER life itself really bothers me. I also get normal anxiety-related things like panic over "what if this lasts forever" and "I'll never feel okay". Two days ago I felt the worst feeling I have ever felt, however. I started thinking about how I felt anxious about being alive. Then I started thinking about how I will probably feel this way tomorrow and the next day, ect. This grew into a terrible feeling of being trapped and hopeless. I felt like somebody who is being sentenced to death feels. This no-escape, cold terror. I felt trapped in my own skin, and I felt so upset because I didn't WANT life anymore. And I knew that no matter where I run, I will always have my thoughts.

For me, the anxiety started with deep thinking, and that started everything. But now, all of my troubles have nothing to do with worrying about the deep thinking anymore, and I have trouble tracing my obsessive anxiety to a common reason. This leads me to believe that I am feeling anxious and worrying about the ANXIETY ITSELF. I can't relax because I know that I have anxiety. The thing that I think is most likely causing most of my anxiety now is:

1.) Feeling super-conscious

2.) Anxiety because I'm not feeling human

3.) Remembering past anxiety



And I KNOW that all of this is in my mind, because if I just tell myself to stop worrying and I force myself to stop thinking about these thoughts, I feel fine, and the only anxiety I feel is the *anxiety because I know that I have anxiety*.

This ALL goes away when I'm distracted, though it often comes back with a vengeance.



Hope you are doing well.
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Offline 59Ballons

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Re: Depersonalization caused my anxiety?
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2014, 01:52:58 PM »
And thank you Never-Quit!! I will look at this :)
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Offline 59Ballons

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Re: Depersonalization caused my anxiety?
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2014, 01:55:43 PM »
And I read somewhere that our brains are reacting so strongly to our thoughts because they are not normal. I just cant stand feeling inhuman. I can't stand it. I think that is where the problem lies too.
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Offline ferrari0909

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Re: Depersonalization caused my anxiety?
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2014, 06:46:18 PM »
Hey 59 balloons.

For me it was kind of the opposite... as in my ANXIETY caused my DR/DP symptoms.
I had panic attacks on and off for years but only a couple of years back was I ever introduced to DP/DR.

I know it's hard for me even to believe but it really is a vicious cycle. I mean if we felt fine at one point then why can't we feel good again??

I mean you think about the sensation... then you feel it, ... this causes anxiety... which causes irrational thoughts... which give you more sensations etc...

I think if this is your only symptom then you should be fine... and your simply over thinking it. (WTF am I saying right...) but seriously the more credit you give the symptom the longer it will hang around.
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Offline 59Ballons

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Re: Depersonalization caused my anxiety?
« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2014, 10:17:46 PM »
I totally agree ferrari0909. And for me too it's just a constant cycle of thinking about the anxiety, which causes my anxiety. I will literally go all day for a week in a constant anxiety-state thinking weird thoughts. And that is why I have a panic attack when I think about how I am "questioning life". It's not that... It's the fact that I am spending all day in an anxious state.
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Offline 59Ballons

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Re: Depersonalization caused my anxiety?
« Reply #8 on: July 23, 2014, 10:22:56 PM »
^ That coupled with the feeling of over-consciousness. Like I am just waking up from a dream. Like a sudden realization that I am alive. That happens every now and then. And the trapped feeling that I am describing is probably caused because I am in an anxious state all the time.

If I stop worrying....... Than all of my problems should go away!!


(Ps sorry for the multiple posts)
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Offline ferrari0909

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Re: Depersonalization caused my anxiety?
« Reply #9 on: July 23, 2014, 10:26:00 PM »
Never apologize for multiple posts

This site is used to put your thoughts down on paper so to speak.
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