I came off my meds in October 2012 (lexapro and abilify) because I was feeling empathetic and I didn't want to rely on medications forever. I was on just lexapro for awhile until it seemed to stop working and the. Thy added abilify. Well I unexpectedly became pregnant in January 2013 and my whole pregnancy was a combination of anxiety, insomnia, some depression times (when the anxiety was at it's worse) I'll put it this way, it was never as bad my whole life as it was during my (3rd) pregnancy. I also never had insomnia before. I have intrusive thoughts from anxiety and I have mostly a fear of getting a mental illness, bipolar being the main one. The fact that my anxiety would come and go seemingly out of nowhere is what caused me to fear this. Well I've since of course had my baby, she's 8 months old now. While I feel much better now then when I was pregnant, I still have all the same issues that still seem to come and go out of nowhere. I've wanted to start back on lexapro but Ive developed a fear of medication since I was last on it, even though it did help me! I'm scared it will make me manic (although I don't think that's ever happened.) but I'm 27 years old so I'm curious would I have had a manic episode by now of I were bipolar? I heard it's sometimes triggered by a stressful event (which my whole pregnancy was..) I was on and off lexapro for a few years and never had a bad reaction but I'm always wondering "what if." I've gone long enough without medication and I'm just ready to get on with my life again, I'm just so scared of losing control! Anyone have any insight?