I'm terrified of driving if I'm not the driver. (As if it makes a difference) and I do not fly at the moment. I am terrified of dying every day, I am trying to get over it, but man is it hard. It's so hard to get over something that HAS to happen. I am fearful of things falling on me, car accidents, my house blowing up (I know..) everything. And this all started because I was given a clean bill of health by my doctor. Now I'm onto catastrophic thinking.
I really just hate not knowing. My odds are good, people in my family live to be fairly old but still, I hate thinking of all the people who were here yesterday and not here today who probably thought the same thing I am--"I'll live to be old!" because there is no guarantee. All the babies, all the children, all the silly mistakes that could have been avoided--and that makes me cry. Life is so fragile, and I hate it. I just wish we could all live to be in our 90-100, ailment free and happy.
I hate knowing we're all spiraling to our deaths no matter what. I don't think I'd be as afraid if I knew I wasn't going to return to what I was before I was born. I told my therapist this and she asked "Why? It wasn't bad?" and I totally get where she's coming from. But to me, I love everything so much and I want to do this life thing for another 70 years or so. I want to see all the technology that will come, all the advancements, all the medical advancements, all the fun clothes and shoes, the fashion, make-up, all the new fitness trends and food trends, new music, dancing, good movies--I love it so much. I so do not want to go back to being nothing after having all of this fun.
At least before you were born you didn't know all of the fun to be had, now I do and I don't want to just go back. And I don't want to go out painfully, or feeling like crap, and/or losing my mind (maybe I've already lost it) My biggest fear is not making it to old age and it scares me to think of that. My grandma's biggest fear was dying alone, and she died alone in a nursing home at 86. I hope my biggest fear does not come true.