Ian, what do you think about the whole driving thing? That's when I feel very out of it. Like I am on auto-pilot. Could it be too much visual stimuli or something?
Yes. Anxiety may affect how quickly information is delivered to and processed by the frontal lobes of the brain where consciousness is 'created.' Meds may also affect it, especially initially. Processing what we see takes up an enormous amount of the brain's resources as much of what you 'see' is actually created by the brain, not data from the eyes. They have relatively low resolution so the brain has to fill in the gaps.
How can this be remedied, then? That would account for why my eyes are fine, but my brain feels, well... slow. I feel sick when driving -- that's when I am most out of it -- and sometimes when playing video games (I guess my brain processes it as me moving still, but through a character. A lot of eye movement). Today is Day 13 and I feel today was one of the worst days yet.
I wish there was something I could do to repay you.
There is, help others when they need it.
Hopefully I did the quote thing right... I'm trying! I do try to help people when I can. Unfortunately, I don't know if I mentioned this earlier, but due to this illness I had to resign from volunteering as a firefighter and ambulance driver. I had a year of medical leave and, well, I just don't want to jeopardize the safety of anyone by not being ready. I miss it very much... It was very fulfilling. But I try to help others where I can. If I made a lot more money, I'd donate it, but I am a middle class man stacking pennies. But whenever I order something or go to a cash register and there is an option to donate, I'll usually throw in a few bucks. It's not much, but it accumulates.
Anyway... the log.Day 13
Today was probably one of the worst days I've had in awhile, side effect-wise.
The day started out OK. I woke up relatively refreshed and headed to work. As usual I felt out of it during the ride on the way to work. When at work I felt a bit better, burning through paperwork due to me taking off the next two days for my birthday (4 day weekend!). As I trudged through paperwork I felt myself getting tired as the hours went on. I didn't eat the usual toast this morning with almond butter; Rather, I had almonds, strawberries, raisins and a banana. I didn't get tired as fast, which was good. But when I started to crash, I really wanted to nap. So I did my usual thing and went to my car and laid there for an hour. I actually napped, although I don't remember any dreams. It was like I closed my eyes and time had just sailed on by.
After my nap things took a turn for the worst. I had transport a vehicle somewhere that wasn't too far- like 10 minutes. The ride wasn't twists and turns or anything, but it was a drive nonetheless. I felt myself starting to feel dizzy and out of it. When I got to the shop I felt... out of it. I felt my social anxiety perking up a bit as I talked to the woman behind the desk and as she shuffled around for paperwork for me to sign. By this time I was already sweating... It is humid and hot here (It was a bit better today, but not by much). This, in turn, made me more anxious throughout the day. On my drive back I felt out of it again. But it wasn't all that bad... yet.
I got back, but then I had to go to a dealership. I decided to eat a cheese stick and some almonds and take a capsule of Maca Root. I have been taking Maca Root for a week now without much issue, but today something occurred. I finished up some more paperwork before heading out (About a half an hour). Then I had someone drive me to the dealership (Picking a vehicle up). On the way there I just felt out of it. I felt sweat on my back and I felt like I was stoned. I had energy, but I felt like I was drunk... Like I didn't care about what I said (Kind of like I had no filter, or a minimal one). I didn't curse or anything, but I felt loopy. I got to the car at the dealership and went in, got the car, and drove back to my job and felt terribly out of it. I was getting so dizzy. I mean, I always make it to my destination, but just feeling this way is terrible.
I ended up eating my lunch when I got back, which seemed to help a little. Maybe I was loopy due to low energy due to a lack of calories? I didn't feel hungry... But I also heard that the Strattera can work as an appetite suppressant to a degree.
Drive home -- same thing. Out of it. Make it home. I am out of it still as I walk in the door -- no one is home. I am tired. Fatigued. I just want to pass out. I end up taking an hour or so nap. I've felt like garbage most of the day and I can feel my work suffering from it a bit. I have so much to do -- especially when I am taking even just a couple of days off and need to get things in line to ensure there isn't complete chaos.
The Xanax doesn't feel like a fail safe anymore. The past two times I've taken it while on the Strattera I've felt loopy and completely out of my head. Like I am drunk, and I feel that people can tell to a degree.
Side effect-wise... Sexual side effects still seem to be there. Minimal urinary issues today (Burning or anything) -- just a delay initially of the stream. Obviously dizzy, fatigue, out of it. Focus is somewhat better, but not nearly where I was hoping it'd be. More sweating. I feel kind of emotionless. Like... I honestly would love to cry. It doesn't sound manly at all, but I haven't cried in a long time, even though there were things that SHOULD make me sad. Like when my grandmother passed away. I mean, I was sad... But it gave me more anxiety than anything. I feel like there is sadness built up in me sometimes. Same thing with being happy -- It's hard for me to feel happy. I mean, I laugh at times and smile, especially when my daughter does something cute, but I don't feel that long lasting sensation of being a happy personal overall.
I go back to the Psychiatrist in a month, so I'll see what he says then. Maybe I'll do weekly updates eventually to not flood this board. I hope this is helping someone else other than me as well.