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Author Topic: Can anxiety make you into selfish jerk  (Read 134 times)

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Offline Nichlas224

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Can anxiety make you into selfish jerk
« on: June 28, 2014, 05:42:47 AM »
Im being a jerk.. Dont know what to do
Hi.. I dont really know if this is a stupid question but yea..

For a few months now i have been a jerk to my girlfriend which is now ex...
Ive had Health Anxiety for 6-7 months and a few months ago i started to change..
Ive been Completely self absorbed.. I think 90% of our convensations we have had its been anout my problems.. My fears.. Me looking for reasurrence.. If we had an argument i would almost take her words and tear them apart.. twist it around and fail to see her point of view.. Like i must be right..
If she tried to talk about some of her stuff i would listen and then after a little i would somehow manage to start talking about my stuff aswell and she would sit there with problems she didn even finish half about but still listen to mine.. She have way bigger problems than my health anxiety but the fear of having illnesses or mental didorders left me with seeking reasurence 24/7.. The thing is i wanne be there for her and i do care for her but i have been so obsessed with health anxiety that ive been a complete jerk..
I feel as if i dont deserve her and that im a even more jerk for staying with her..
The thing is i love her and i will do anything to NOT lose her.. But i feel as a even bigger jerl for staying around cause i have caused her alot of emotional pain... I have done things to improve us a little (less fights, more fun and connection between us) By forcing myself to talk less about my own stuff and really focus on hers... But theres just still some jerk in me.. I have all these worries, all these thoughts and i can only focus on one problem at a time.. I know which problems are more importent than others but my mind dont care.. if there is a problem even the smallest my mind will just trip out on all the thoughts and seitch between them all the time..
Back to the topic..as said im doing stuff to make it better between me and her and show that i care alot for her.. i can do good in a few days and then i fall back in this stupid habbit again.. I dont know if its reallt because anxiety can make you self absorbed and selfish or if its just an excuse and im a nacissist or something..  its getting better between us but its not enough.. We have 'good' days everyday but also everyday there must be that one little argument/fight .. and im just putting even more weight on her.. to the point where she actually dont want to talk to me about her problems cause shes afraid i wont listen and just talk over it with my own problems.. this hurts me cause i really am here for her.. Its to the point she have found comfort and such in another guy..... which gave me a little boost to move on and get better so me and her could get better.. But knowing te one you love, loves you but likes someone else is really hard.. I keep getting thoughts about him and her and along with all other thoughts racing through my head i dont know what to do anymore... Honestly i dont know where i even am in my post anymore.. Im saying what crosses my mind as im typing this.. I have ADHD and that can cause ALOT of this and all and so can my abxiety.. but is that the reason...?


Note: Im starting on my ADHD meds finally after 19 years im starting soon and i hope theyll change my life and behavior.. I feel bad for hurting and putting her through this and i just dont know what to do anymore.. everything i do end up being a bad thing.. r it end up hurting her, even when i try to do a good thing it ends bad..

Sorry its this long.. I hope someone will read it and give me an magical answer :'( Thanks for reading :)

ps.. I dont feel alot of emotions lately after my fears of being sociopathic started i kinda bottleup emotions before i even feel them... i feel love for her and bad for her.. feels some anger and else just.. not alot
and i noticed how much i defend myself in this post.. exactly what ive been doing for months towards her...
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Offline Nichlas224

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Re: Can anxiety make you into selfish jerk
« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2014, 07:22:05 AM »
Bump :(
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Online TyeDyedButterfly

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Re: Can anxiety make you into selfish jerk
« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2014, 07:31:48 AM »
Honestly we do become selfish yes and much more because we are scared so bad and we want to talk to help us feel better and I know that I have run many people away because I am not well and I am needy yes but I am married and he hasn't left me but with him I know I can SOMETIMES talk to him or I stay bottled up because I know he really can not help me he says Honey I don't know what to tell you or he says try not to worry so really he cant help me and no one else can either because most the people I know have many issues of their own and some honestly didn't care to listen to me and I sure listened to them so we do find out who is really there for us and will stick with us but we sure can bug people about our fears and they do get tired of it or they think we are making it up.

Keep working on you and give her time and space okay and things will work out but you do have to keep working on trying to not dwell on your health with her all the time she wants the person she fell in love back and you two having a good time I know my husband does. 

We can be very hard on people and ourselves and we don't really mean to be it is how anxiety and many other mental and physical health problems are.

Hang in there and keep fighting to feel better I think you are on the right path!!
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PEACE, LOVE AND HAPPINESS !

Offline sixpack

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Re: Can anxiety make you into selfish jerk
« Reply #3 on: June 28, 2014, 08:58:22 AM »
health anxiety peeps can certainly end up with tunnel vision.  Our thinking and actions/behavior are filtered through an anxious mind.   When thinking becomes so inwardly focused, the result can be construed as selfish.  it is likely the nature of the disorder.  I know when I was a mess, my hubs was none to impressed.  Family and friends were none  too pleased.
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MOST anxiety occurs on a subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state

Offline vardnas

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Re: Can anxiety make you into selfish jerk
« Reply #4 on: June 28, 2014, 10:17:13 AM »
I didn't have a boyfriend when I was going through the thick of things, but if I did, I'm pretty sure I would have driven him away. There are plenty of relationships that felt the strain, though—my roommates, my mom—they all did get sick of hearing about my HA all the time.

I agree with six, that HA creates a very narrow focus. Do more selfishly-inclined individuals have more of a tendency to develop HA? I don't know, but I'd hesitate to say you're "a jerk" because of how you're acting now.

However, I will say that what's going on with you and your girlfriend is a GREAT reason to seek professional help. Our loved ones CANNOT bear the strain of our "need" for reassurance. Even the strongest relationships can crumble because of it. Neither she nor anyone else is responsible for making sure you feel OK. That is for you and a trained professional to figure out.
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In case anyone is still confused:  googling your symptoms will cause you to remain in a state of extreme anxiety. Stepping away from the internet is the first step toward lasting peace.

Offline Nichlas224

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Re: Can anxiety make you into selfish jerk
« Reply #5 on: June 28, 2014, 01:03:21 PM »
Thank you so much for your replys!!

So this kind of acting is 'normal' ?

And its all so hard if you are kinda emotional numb :(

But im trying to make it all better but i think i give up to easy..

I dont think i have been seeing signs all this time that it was close to the end..
They say 'only miss the sun when its start to snow'
Only know what you have lost when its truly gone..
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