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Author Topic: Please help, I'm so lost. Downward spiraling fast.  (Read 86 times)

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Offline wanderlust2386

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Please help, I'm so lost. Downward spiraling fast.
« on: June 28, 2014, 01:16:47 AM »
I've been dealing with sudden increased anxiety since about March, but I think I'm just now realizing that it all really centers around my health. I've always been a hypochondriac to a certain degree, but this year has been the worst. I keep trying to think what could have triggered it, and one thing comes to mind - my dad passed away from cancer 10 months ago and I had to watch him die. It's like my biggest fear in life happened right before me. Problem is I'm in a horrible downward spiral. I constantly look everything up, even I'm the bathroom at work. I had a cold recently and thought it was lung cancer. I had pelvic pain and thought I was dying from appendicitis. Now my tailbone hurts and I've been non stop looking for answers. I've been to the doctor every week for 2 months. I've had xray, ultrasound, blood tests, etc and everything is normal, yet I feel so BAD. I'm so exhausted every day. I'm anxious. I have headaches and can't think. Something has to be wrong right? How do I feel better? How do I get out of this nasty cycle? Sometimes I really don't even want to go on. It's a miserable life. I want to be alive, but this isn't living. Any advice? I'm feeling hopeless. Why am I always sick? Why is something always wrong? :( I literally spend every free moment thinking about my health.
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Offline Toasted Butter

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Re: Please help, I'm so lost. Downward spiraling fast.
« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2014, 01:30:10 AM »
I'm sorry to hear about your father. I had the exact same experience, watching while my father died as well. The rest of my family had gone to bed and I alone sat and watched him take his last breath. It is hard to be strong in such a situation, but I feel like he chose me to be the one to be there when he went. Maybe that sounds a bit... I don't know... hokie? But it's just something I feel. At least you were there for him.

There certainly is something wrong with you! You have anxiety! That's not nothing! Anxiety has made pretty much all of us on this board feel like we are dying at some point. The first time I "knew" I was going to die was when I was just 4 years old. I was so inconsolable that my mother had to leave work and pick me up from preschool. I still remember the entire thing vividly 40 years later. Don't discount the power of anxiety to cause all manner of illness and pain and discomfort and other symptoms. I think a lot of us have a hard time accepting that anxiety can be the cause of all our suffering because it seems like it's just a simple emotion and we should be able to just "get over" it like so many other people seem to expect us to do. But that's not how anxiety works.
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Offline redapples

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Re: Please help, I'm so lost. Downward spiraling fast.
« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2014, 01:34:55 AM »
You answered your own question by admitting you've been a hypochondriac.

You've been through a rough time. I would suggest (and I know it's hard) that you stay away from the internet for searching symptoms. That would be easier said than done, I'm sure.

You've been to the doctor and have been told everything is okay. Try to trust in those words. Everything is ok. You're ok.

Perhaps the grief of losing your father has really triggered this badly for you. Might I ask if you are on any meds?

If not, would that be something you would consider?

I have OCD/anxiety.  Meds have helped me tremendously...until I stopped for a while because I'd been on them for years.

I did well for a while and then everything came back, OCD/anxiety and almost agoraphobia. Every time I start the meds again, I get the side effects and stopped.  A few weeks ago, I promised myself that I would stick it out, side effects and all, because I remember how well I did when I was taking them. It's a tough road. But yesterday was the first day that I started to feel the "shift".  I started to feel "me" again. Not much obsessing. Not much worrying. Getting out and doing. To think a few days ago I couldn't. Everything looked so dark. Today I have a smile on my face.

I wish this for you, too.

You said "something has to be wrong, right?" yes, it's called anxiety. My advice is, if you aren't on meds, consider giving them a try. If you are on meds, perhaps a dose adjustment or different med will help you. Just my 2 cents. I wish you well!
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Offline wanderlust2386

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Re: Please help, I'm so lost. Downward spiraling fast.
« Reply #3 on: June 28, 2014, 02:00:57 AM »
Unfortunately I've tried several meds, on many different doses and I've had such increased anxiety with them that I've had to stop. Unless I'm able to take 3 weeks off work to "adjust" I just can't do it. Luckily my doctor prescribes me xanax for times when in get out of control, but he only allows me 8 pills every 2 woks or so (which I'm thankful for, because it's not something I want to get hooked on) unless there are others ways to beat this, I feel I will never be okay. I just want to feel normal. Also my health anxiety keeps me from wanting to take meds of any kind because I'm afraid it's going to hurt me. I guess it's a vicious circle.
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