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Author Topic: Failing as a Boyfriend and Father  (Read 197 times)

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Offline painfully_confused

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Failing as a Boyfriend and Father
« on: June 27, 2014, 07:03:40 PM »
On top of everything else that is going on in my personal life I really feel like a failure as a boyfriend and a father.
For those that havent seen my other posts,Ive been on the decline with my mental health for several months, and the birth of my 3 month premature son has sent me over the edge.
Im trying to find ways to deal with the stresses of our situation, but I feel so goddamned bad I can barely function and keep my self together and be there for them.
He is doing well,gets stronger everyday, and his Mom is one tough cookie, she will do anything for our little man. I, on the other hand have hit an all time low.
I havent seen him in several days as Im so anxious and sick, trying to adjust to meds,that I cant drive. She has come to rely on the bus or walking.
I cant sleep at night anymore, and spend my days in and out of short naps. I am unable to do anything around the house as I am so tired, unmotivated and feeling horrible. To make things worse I dont even have the energy to hug her after a rough day or cuddle her in bed,all I can do is complain about how bad I feel.
The guilt is making me feel sooooo much worse. I love them both so much but cant function right now.
I tried to distance myself a little and focus on getting better now, so I can be a great dad and husband later on. I stay home most days, getting the rest I need, taking time to feel bad and let the meds do its thing. She says shes ok with it, but I can see she is exhausted,and unless I pull myself together soon, I will lose them both.
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Offline poppadr3w

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Re: Failing as a Boyfriend and Father
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2014, 10:52:02 PM »
Well, the good thing about newborns is that they sleep... A LOT. So they're not terribly tough until they're a bit older and they're awake more of the time. So you have some time to get yourself together and remold yourself back into the man you once were. I am working on it as well, although with a different situation. I, too, am a father - I have a 5-year-old daughter. It is anxiety-inducing, it truly is, but you need to let the medicine settle, you need to work on YOU as well, and possibly see a therapist to expedite your recovery.

Channel your negative energy into something positive. When I was depressed a couple of years ago, I started to exercise... Seriously exercise. This helps relieve stress, brings up your confidence, and actually gives you energy. You don't even need a gym to get started! Start with calisthenics. Clean up your diet, too. No more junk! Look into some nutritional information. I also suggest, as always, supplementing with Fish Oil (Some people say it helps with depression). I take 2g or so a day in capsule form.

You're not a bad person -- I can tell through your post. Your heart is in this, but your mind isn't in sync with it. I've been there as well. You need to work on you, but do your best to be there for your baby. Even small things that take minimal energy will show your future wife that you do, in fact, care. Even take her to a therapist WITH you to have a professional sift through all of the facts and lay them on the table with her there. But small things like... I don't know, vacuuming, washing the dishes, tidying up, etc. is helpful and beneficial.

I wish you the best of luck.
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Offline painfully_confused

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Re: Failing as a Boyfriend and Father
« Reply #2 on: July 02, 2014, 09:59:51 PM »
Thanks for the advice,I will definitely keep trying.
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Offline Crimson Serenity

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Re: Failing as a Boyfriend and Father
« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2014, 10:16:45 AM »
Men can have post-partum anxiety and depression, too. Check this out: http://www.postpartummen.com/
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