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Author Topic: Please help me I think I'm losing it, my friend died in her sleep.  (Read 288 times)

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Offline Maryjo

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I posted in another group but I'm just going to copy paste what I wrote over there and give you a bit of a back story. I have chronic health issues. I had major surgery on my kidney back in April and since February have lost almost 40lbs. I was skinny to begin with. I've been having horrible stomach pains and can't eat because it hurts to. So I'm waiting to have a test done with a GI but I don't meet with him until July 11. My whole life I've suffered from horrible insomnia, even when I was younger. But recently because of my health issues I've started having horrible panic attacks when I lay down. I can't close my eyes because I fear dying in my sleep. My husband works nights so I fear that I will die and my kids (who are both little ones) will wake up and I can't help them. I know this sounds ridiculous. Well yesterday I fond out that one of my best friends had passed away in her sleep. Not only am I emotionally devastated but now I'm even more paranoid to sleep. Today is my birthday and I wanted to go get my hair done, my husband offered to watch the kids, but I will more than likely trade getting my hair done for a nap. I just want to be able to relax and now I don't think I will ever be able to sleep again.So I posted earlier about my friend dying in her sleep. Well for the past week I've been having sleep anxiety really bad (before she even passed) because every time I lay down my heart races and I worry that I'll die in my sleep. (my husband works nights so I'm terrified of dying in my sleep with it just being me and the kids. I'm getting my prescription for ativan first thing in the am when they open. I ran out last week and all I have is buspar and that stuff makes me feel awful. It's my birthday and I'm exhausted. I'm thinking I might need to go on an antidepressiant along with a possible sleeping pill. This whole thing has me devastated and paranoid. She had HA and faced a lot of the same worry I have so it makes me wonder if maybe subconsciously I know I'm going to die? I've been so sick lately with pains and weight loss I think I'm more scared of the fact that there's something actually seriously wrong and I don't know how to deal with it. My pain is real and it's severe. I'm only 29 and feel like everyday is going to be my last lately, this is a new feeling I've had since March.  I don't think my resting heart rate of over 100+ constantly helps with the anxiety but I'm seriously at an all time low with this. My fears of death have now become a reality. Just as my friend worried about death the whole year prior to her death. How do I get past this point of straight panic and obsessive behavior? I'm wasting my precious time laying awake obsessing, fearing in the inevitable. This is the worst my anxiety has ever been, but this is my first real personal loss of friend. I'm not coping well as you can see. I keep thinking of her, we had just talked. All the things I never said to her, all the things I wish I had keep running through my head faster than I can keep up. I wish I could have told her how much i loved her, and how much I was thankful for her (she introduced me to my husband) without her my kids wouldn't exist. Tell her sorry for our small fall out then how happy and thankful I was when we reconnected almost with no time lost. For the time she took me in when everyone else gave up on me, for being a great friend. I now want to be closer to the people I love instead of pushing people away, life is too short. I'm sorry for posting so much about my detangling anxieties. I don't even know if I need responses just a release. Has anyone ever dealt with this before? If so how did you overcome it? The people you know who passed, did it seem like they subconsciously knew? Please help. I know I sound like a crazy person but I'm going on 4 days very little sleep. I'm talking maybe a nap or two.
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Offline jjZauis

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Re: Please help me I think I'm losing it, my friend died in her sleep.
« Reply #1 on: July 01, 2014, 04:06:52 PM »
Happy belated birthday Maryjo.  Sorry to hear about your troubles and my condolences about your friend.  That is so tragic.   You mentioned your prescription for ativan and a) now that it's been two weeks I was wondering how you're making out and b) have you talked to the doctor who prescribed the ativan for you?   I know  the kind of fear you're talking about as I've been having it the past few months.  Some nights with my obsessive thinking I will just completely obsess with the thought that i'm going to die that night in my sleep.  It's like I can see it playing out as a movie with various loved ones getting the news, how my boyfriend would react, my family, etc.  Before I know it I'm entering a full blown panic attack and am terrified to go to sleep because I'm convinced I'll never wake up.   In those moment I've found ativan does help.  But also trying to do something to take my mind off it and relax.  I constantly remind myself that there's no real reason to believe that would happen to me.  Also knowing that THIS is the very nature of my anxiety sometimes helps me.   I'm definitely still a work in progress and don't have any of the answers but I guess I just wanted to say you're not alone and hopefully that is at least somewhat comforting.   
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