I feel for ya. I've been in that rocky boat. it isn't fun.
I'll tell ya what i just told another young lady. You have a decision to make-------- doing the same ole same ole and keep feeling the way you are now OR decide to take a few leaps of faith, and really dive into recovery. remember anxiety lies. and from what i can see from your posts is you are very cozy with the lying beasty. You are really listening to him
You are going to have to stand up and say, "Hell, yes, this crap scares me. But I have indulged my fears too long. I am not going to continue giving my life away to anxiety" With that you are going to have to simply quit giving so much power to your thoughts and fears. KMJ, really that is the only way you will make any headway. that is the plain and simple truth of it.
back in '96, i was a loon over MS. I had a boatload of symptoms. I was a mess. I'd been to doctor after doctor and still didn't believe. I got so TIRED of myself. I decided I could sit around until MS took my mobility away OR I could get back into life. what I did was start a huge garden project in my yard. I went outside whether I felt good or not. It took about 3 weeks to get the project done. nice thing in the end told the tale. I was soooo immersed in the project that I couldn't engage in any of those reactive behaviors. I noticed by the end that many of my symptoms were gone and others were nearly so.
based on your posts, i can see no mention of you getting so immersed back in your life. you say you try things and perhaps you have, a little. but i am betting reactive behaviors are right there next to you while you are attempting anything proactive. again not calling you out. this is so very typical of the disorder. most people are there before they get better.