Hello fellow members. I want to share a bit of what I'm going through now. I've had all sorts of "weird things going on" (my Dr.'s words) over the past 2+ years. I've run the gamut from being on death's door (not really, only in my own mind) to being ok. I've really come a long way since first posting here.
What I'm dealing with now is something that I've read about by other members. I was shaving over the weekend, and felt a sore lump toward the top of my thyroid. "Hmmm, must be a swollen lymph node," I thought. Just by random chance I had a checkup scheduled yesterday, so I mentioned it to my doctor. He felt for it, and said, yes, I can tell there's something there. We should probably check into that more. Ultrasound, then if that doesn't show much, fine needle aspiration. He said it's probably nothing, and I believe him.
Ok now, cut to my life 2-years ago. That would have been like telling me, "you better get your affairs in order, you'll be dead soon." Now? I'm actually ok with it. Why? Partially from talking things through here, partially because I'm becoming more comfortable being a person with anxiety. I'm getting to the point where I can recognize the waves that rock me to and fro, and I'm learning how to ride them rather than being drowned by them.
Am I totally calm about it? Well, no, and that's totally OK. The kind of anxiety I'm feeling is more like the kind you might feel when you don't have any food at home and dinner is going to be "interesting." Or like leaving your cell phone home accidentally. Not earth shattering, but something's bugging you. That's where I'm at. It's not like I'm having to fight the anxiety beast, more like I'm riding it and staying on top of it, much like a surfer would ride a wave. Sure there's effort and skill and luck involved, but I'm better at it. I'm scheduled to have the ultrasound in a couple of days. I'm doing well, and the weird thing that swelled is actually going back down a bit. It's not small, at least an inch across.
Anyway, that's my ramble. I'll take any well wishes that may come my way, but honestly, I don't have the energy to freak out about it right now. I'd rather ride the wave than succumb to it. It's much easier up on top than drowning underneath.