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Author Topic: Doctors appointment gone bad=/  (Read 847 times)

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Offline ShawnW

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Re: Doctors appointment gone bad=/
« Reply #15 on: June 13, 2014, 12:18:30 AM »
Those might be two of the most normal looking hands that I have ever seen.  None of that is atrophy.

Realy?=) You have no idea how much this comment made my day, thank you for taking the time looking at my pictures=) I cant explain how reliefed I felt when I saw your post, I was sure youd say that there was some definite atrophy and that I realy should consult a neurologist. And therein lies the core of my problem, I have a realy messed up perception of how things realy are. In some ways Im almost schizofrenic, I always have a side of me telling my rational side that someething is wrong (never a little wrong, always critical illness)
  Yes, really.  By the way you were acting I expected to see something concerning.  There is nothing there of concern.  Probably everyone here experiences what you are experiencing where we can't trust our own thoughts about our own symptoms.  Check out nomnom here...the guy has read so much he could probably write a textbook on a**.  He can break down other peoples symptoms and realize their fears are unfounded.  But, can he do that for himself?  I am the same way...I need people in my life to keep my head on straight when I am in a crisis because I can't trust my own opinions about me.  It's kind of like body dysmorphic disorders...you know the thin women/men who look in the mirror and see themselves as fat.  They can be 60 pounds and they think they look 300.  In the same way your mind is playing a trick on you.  You have to learn to outsmart it...to out think it.  To break it over your knee.  That takes tools...and you don't have them...yet.  Get some help brother.  Seriously, that is your problem not some rare neurological disorder.  Getting some therapy specifically from someone who specializes in health anxiety would be huge in your life.
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My insight, thoughts, experiences or advice that may be posted in this forum are not meant as a substitution for the advice of your physician.

Offline thenomnomnomicon

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Re: Doctors appointment gone bad=/
« Reply #16 on: June 13, 2014, 01:36:19 AM »
Just to throw in my thoughts about your photos.

Your hands look perfectly fine.

If you REALLY must, google: Split Hand Syndrome.

This is the type of atrophy that occurs most often in *** when involving the hands. Yours look absolutely nothing like that. Do not try to fool yourself into believing they do either. They do not.

Shawn is also correct that I'm neurotic as sh*t. And would benefit from the same therapy you would.
Because this is the worst disease, literally, ever. And I hate everything about this anxiety.

I've mentioned in another post that I believed this illness was the pinnacle of Health Anxiety. Precursery symptoms are vague and without the obvious atrophization of a limb or weakness it is very easy to recreate the symptoms. This is worse than MS. Worse than HIV. Worse than any form of cancer. This disease is terminal, untreatable (but the ALSExpress has said some encouraging thing about. . . I think it was Neuralstem trials?), and entire and complete relinquishment of all control and of life. It slinks around my thoughts, it haunts my dreams, it is horror ad infinitum.

You, though.
You stop it.
You're fine.

Oh and get a new GP.
Possibly atrophy my ass.
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Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh

Offline Rasalhauge

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Re: Doctors appointment gone bad=/
« Reply #17 on: June 15, 2014, 07:50:17 AM »
Okey, so Ive been doing a little better since my last freak-out. But, the last couple of days Ive been stuck in an endless spiral of thoughts of hopelessness. It all started with me noticing that I have close to no muscles between my left hand thumb and index finger, all there is is skin and a super small muscle that is soft and unable to flex. This in turn has resulted in a thumb that disclocates easilly, and I can make it "pop" sideways without much effort. I do however notice that there seems to be a muscle between my thumb and index finger when I put my index finger and thumb together, although not nearly as visible as it is on my right hand.

Could this be normal?

Ive also meassured the circumference ofmy hands, and the left hand is almost 2,8 centimeters smaller. That sounds like quite alot, right?=/

Also, the fingers on my left hand seems to want to stay a little bent all the time when relaxed. It takes quite a lot of force to fully straigthen them out (only left hand fingers though).
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Actual diagnoses;

- OCD (HA and others)
- GAD
- Major depression
- IBS and Gastritis
- Hemisensory symptoms and somatorform disorder

Self diagnosed with;

Bulbar onset ALS, Limb onset ALS, Young onset Parkinsons disease, MS, Rheumatoid arthritis, muscular dystrophia, and so many more....

Offline ShawnW

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Re: Doctors appointment gone bad=/
« Reply #18 on: June 15, 2014, 09:34:08 AM »
Okey, so Ive been doing a little better since my last freak-out. But, the last couple of days Ive been stuck in an endless spiral of thoughts of hopelessness. It all started with me noticing that I have close to no muscles between my left hand thumb and index finger, all there is is skin and a super small muscle that is soft and unable to flex. This in turn has resulted in a thumb that disclocates easilly, and I can make it "pop" sideways without much effort. I do however notice that there seems to be a muscle between my thumb and index finger when I put my index finger and thumb together, although not nearly as visible as it is on my right hand.

Could this be normal?

Ive also meassured the circumference ofmy hands, and the left hand is almost 2,8 centimeters smaller. That sounds like quite alot, right?=/

Also, the fingers on my left hand seems to want to stay a little bent all the time when relaxed. It takes quite a lot of force to fully straigthen them out (only left hand fingers though).

Your hands are perfectly normal.
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My insight, thoughts, experiences or advice that may be posted in this forum are not meant as a substitution for the advice of your physician.

Offline Rasalhauge

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Re: Doctors appointment gone bad=/
« Reply #19 on: June 15, 2014, 10:24:50 AM »
But how can there be such a vast difference in characteristic between my two hands? Even though Im right hand dominant I still use my left hand, and now it just feels like skin and bone=/
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Actual diagnoses;

- OCD (HA and others)
- GAD
- Major depression
- IBS and Gastritis
- Hemisensory symptoms and somatorform disorder

Self diagnosed with;

Bulbar onset ALS, Limb onset ALS, Young onset Parkinsons disease, MS, Rheumatoid arthritis, muscular dystrophia, and so many more....

Offline ShawnW

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Re: Doctors appointment gone bad=/
« Reply #20 on: June 15, 2014, 11:41:31 PM »
Your ability to observe and examine yourself is broken.  There is no atrophy.  I know true atrophy and that isn't it.  There are always differences in hands.  My left is less muscular than my right.  I do not believe you have observed wasting as you can't trust your own eyes.  Your perception of things is broken and you are doing your best to convince yourself that you are sick.  If you do not get therapy...tools...you will continue to suffer.  The choice is yours.
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My insight, thoughts, experiences or advice that may be posted in this forum are not meant as a substitution for the advice of your physician.

Offline Rasalhauge

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Re: Doctors appointment gone bad=/
« Reply #21 on: July 16, 2014, 07:49:33 AM »
So, as I said in another thread Ive taken the steps towards recovery. Im starting CBT and a vast array of other things, but the problem is that there are quite insane wait-lists for all of the above. Im unable to start CBT before October(!) and realy am in desperate need for help on how to cope with this until then. Any tips for a HA-guy with OCD and major depression? Book tips, health tips anything is much appreciated

Picked up and started reading this anxiety book from 1960s that SixPack recomended (cant recall the name though). Ive made the decission to really go the full mile on this recovery, and really want to get better. So lifestyle changes etc is by no means a problems at this stage=)
Bookmark and Share
Actual diagnoses;

- OCD (HA and others)
- GAD
- Major depression
- IBS and Gastritis
- Hemisensory symptoms and somatorform disorder

Self diagnosed with;

Bulbar onset ALS, Limb onset ALS, Young onset Parkinsons disease, MS, Rheumatoid arthritis, muscular dystrophia, and so many more....

Offline NeverAgain2

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Re: Doctors appointment gone bad=/
« Reply #22 on: July 16, 2014, 08:21:52 AM »
"Body Dysmorphia": this is where a person focuses on a part of their body they perceive to have flaws. 

Now, a sympathetic person, such as most doctors, will want to "see" what you are supposedly seeing, and will be under the power of suggestion the same as anybody else.  Had you walked in cold and said nothing about what you want examined and laid your hands on a table, the doc probably would have said, "So?" and "What brings you in?" 

This is a common phobia or syndrome in anxious or nervous people.

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Offline Egg

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Re: Doctors appointment gone bad=/
« Reply #23 on: July 16, 2014, 05:30:28 PM »
Have you done the workbooks (I think they are labeled "modules") stickied at the top of the first Hypochondria page? They have been very helpful for me. I've done them two or three times.
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