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Author Topic: In desperate need of someone to talk too.  (Read 483 times)

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Offline ShawnW

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #15 on: June 11, 2014, 10:54:48 AM »
I want to thank you for your honesty. I have to admit I agree with what everyone of you are saying. I do need it start professional help for this. My mother and grandmother were/are long time suffers of health anxiety. I am almost certain I have OCD. More of the pure obsession type and my obsession is my health. I feel like that is my obsession because ultimately it's something I can not control. Sure I can eat healthy, exercise and take vitamins however that doesn't insure me I don't end up getting my biggest fear. I have a fear if C just has other people who have debilitating phobias (small spaces, snakes) I can't even hear or see the C word with out panicking inside. I have attached a picture of my family. I am doing this to show to everyone and myself that this why I fear illness, theses beautiful people need me here and well. I'm terrified C could take me away and I would miss seeing my children grow up. My husband would probably find another wife to love and raise our children with. I get ill thinking if that.

Shawn - I fear PC with heartburn because mine radiates to my upper beck. I feel the burn there as well. Mostly on my right side. It's in my chest and back. From my googling beck spin is a symptom along with the stomach pain. However it's not really my stomach it's my chest or maybe the upper pit of the stomach around the top rib area. This alone has me convinced. I do not have even 1 other symptom however that could be next to come.

Marc - that's is what I fear a carcinoid on my pancreas. That is what the young person had however for 6 months he was violently ill. Vomiting daily, white stools, fevers, extreme pain and nausea and extreme weight loss. He also was cured by surgery but even just reading the story sent me into overdrive.

I understand but in your age group it wouldn't even be on my radar.  If you were my patient (which you are not) I would be treating this as simple GERD.  Radiation of heart burn symptoms is not uncommon.  Mine radiate as well as I have struggled with GERD much of my life.  Referred pain in GI disorders are extremely common. 

You continue to do what you know you shouldn't do...google and obsess over case studies.  You and your family are beautiful.  I completely understand your fear because I have the same fears.  But, I came to this conclusion, the world would go on without me.  My kids and wife would recover.  They would be ok.  My suffering would end.  If I fixate on my health, I am already dead.  I have allowed a disease process that I probably don't have to kill me before I am dead.  I can't do that any longer.  I don't think you can do that any longer.  How many times have you been convinced you had a disorder and didn't?  You can't trust your ability to process.  You will need significant help to dig yourself out of this hole.  Please get some help with this.
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My insight, thoughts, experiences or advice that may be posted in this forum are not meant as a substitution for the advice of your physician.

Want to know how to address your anxiety?
http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,93402.msg521266.html#msg521266

Offline rosiela

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #16 on: June 11, 2014, 02:02:40 PM »
Just wanted to reply to basically reiterate what everyone else is saying - you should really seek out some help. I mean that in a nice way also - not in a preachy kind of way. I too have struggled with HA for a long time, since I was young, and I understand how debilitating it is, and how scary it can be. After stressing over it for 6 weeks, I saw my GP last night who referred me to a psychologist. The relief I feel knowing that I might start to get some support with this thing is immense, as is the reassurance the doctor gave me that the physical thing I'd been worrying about (some weird spot on my neck) was nothing.

I know how hard it is - we all do on this forum - but you and your family are worth trying for. Your photo is so beautiful, and my heart goes out to you.

Hugs!
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Offline soaringfalcon

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #17 on: June 11, 2014, 02:48:23 PM »
I promised myself that I wouldn't post to you again because you just get mad and throw back in my face what won't work.  Here's my last post - you can continue to worry about cancer taking you from your family and you're going to lose your family with your worries.  You're losing your time with your family doing this - so you choose - seek help or destroy your family all on your own over your anxiety.

Harsh?  Yep, harsh as heck.  Maybe that will finally get through.  I wish you peace.
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Offline ShawnW

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #18 on: June 11, 2014, 03:27:26 PM »
I promised myself that I wouldn't post to you again because you just get mad and throw back in my face what won't work.  Here's my last post - you can continue to worry about cancer taking you from your family and you're going to lose your family with your worries.  You're losing your time with your family doing this - so you choose - seek help or destroy your family all on your own over your anxiety.

Harsh?  Yep, harsh as heck.  Maybe that will finally get through.  I wish you peace.

I don't think it's harsh.  It's reality.  When I speak to Lindsay I am speaking to myself as well.  Sometimes I need a kick in the pants.  My wife is good at giving me those...lol. 
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My insight, thoughts, experiences or advice that may be posted in this forum are not meant as a substitution for the advice of your physician.

Want to know how to address your anxiety?
http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,93402.msg521266.html#msg521266

Offline Lindsay2427

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #19 on: June 12, 2014, 08:12:56 AM »
I truly do not think any of you are being harsh. I promise your harsh words are what I need. I need others to tell me that I need help. I actually really love the advice I am giving here. Going beck to my CC scare most everyone encouraged the colonoscopy to full out any health risks and then get help for my anxiety. After finally getting the courage to have the colonoscopy and finding out that I was completely fine and didn't have CC I swore up and down my HA would be gone. It would be the last thing on my mind. But the next day after having my all clear biopsy results from my Gastro my PanCan fear started. I feel like I would be completely HA free if I didn't have symptoms of a sinister disease. But I have a symptom of PanCan ( upper gastric pain) so of course I'm going to worry and obsess because I have the symptom. Since obsessing and worrying I seem go get the pains more. I don't know if my anxiety causes it or if I do have PanCan and it's growing and intensifying.

I AM GOING TO MAKE EVERYONE A PROMISE TODAY. I am calling my insurance today for a list of therapist in my area who expects my insurance. I found an outstanding therapist who I really want to see. He is a specialist in OCD and phobias. Perfect I have a complete obsession with my cancer phobia. But he doesn't except insurance and he is like $250 an hour :( I'm hoping I can find someone great who takes my insurance provider.
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Offline ShawnW

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Re: In desperate need of someone to talk too.
« Reply #20 on: June 12, 2014, 10:00:41 AM »
I truly do not think any of you are being harsh. I promise your harsh words are what I need. I need others to tell me that I need help. I actually really love the advice I am giving here. Going beck to my CC scare most everyone encouraged the colonoscopy to full out any health risks and then get help for my anxiety. After finally getting the courage to have the colonoscopy and finding out that I was completely fine and didn't have CC I swore up and down my HA would be gone. It would be the last thing on my mind. But the next day after having my all clear biopsy results from my Gastro my PanCan fear started. I feel like I would be completely HA free if I didn't have symptoms of a sinister disease. But I have a symptom of PanCan ( upper gastric pain) so of course I'm going to worry and obsess because I have the symptom. Since obsessing and worrying I seem go get the pains more. I don't know if my anxiety causes it or if I do have PanCan and it's growing and intensifying.

I AM GOING TO MAKE EVERYONE A PROMISE TODAY. I am calling my insurance today for a list of therapist in my area who expects my insurance. I found an outstanding therapist who I really want to see. He is a specialist in OCD and phobias. Perfect I have a complete obsession with my cancer phobia. But he doesn't except insurance and he is like $250 an hour :( I'm hoping I can find someone great who takes my insurance provider.

This is really good news.  Look around there are many good therapists who specialize in anxiety and take insurance.  It's hard to convince ourselves due to hyperawareness and OCD thinking that a symptom is a symptom.  I have had upper gastric pain on and off for 20+ years.  I don't know many physicians who would even consider PC in your age group with that one symptom you have especially with your history of HA.  Our minds make up symptoms, they magnify symptoms then we catastrophize symptoms.  To break that cycle almost always takes the need for outside help.
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My insight, thoughts, experiences or advice that may be posted in this forum are not meant as a substitution for the advice of your physician.

Want to know how to address your anxiety?
http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,93402.msg521266.html#msg521266

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