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Author Topic: Just getting by but not living fully  (Read 54 times)

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Offline cautiouskat

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Just getting by but not living fully
« on: June 10, 2014, 10:43:42 AM »
I just turned 50 recently, and looking back on when anxiety and panic attacks took over my life at the age of 29.  Since that time I have had ups and downs with anxiety but never really conquered it.  I have raised 3 children through those dark days but can honestly say I put myself out there even though I wanted to just stay in and hide (which I admit I did at times).  I have missed out on times I can't get back -- school field trips, assemblies, etc.  Mixed in with that have been times that I pushed myself and came out of it feeling so glad that I did!  My youngest is now 14 years old.  Two things that have been great (but also worked against me) have been that I have been able to stay home all these years and raise my kids.  I also have been able to work from home on my computer which is great for a little extra income but also allows the anxiety to not have to be dealt with and allows very little social interaction -- I also have some social anxiety.  I do feel isolated and a little lonely most of the time. 

Anxiety is such a barrier between people and life! I feel like I do enjoy life, but I wish I could get out there and feel more connected with the world.  Two of my kids are grown, and the baby is starting high school next fall.  I guess I fear growing older and being alone (which has always been a hangup of mine).  Like I said in the subject line of this post, I feel like I am not living the full life I should be.  It's always easier to just stay home and sit on the sidelines versus the anxiety of getting out there.  I feel the most motivated to get out there when it comes to my children.  My daughter is out of school for the summer, and that means me taking her places.  In order to do that I have to take my Xanax before we go.  I usually do fine, but it makes me so sad that my life is so restricted.  I feel like I should be out there working in the actual work world, meeting people, making a difference, feeling important.  I wish I could make my children proud of me and also feel pride in myself.  Anxiety seems to win out, and life is passing by quickly. 

As I reflect on my life at 50, I would like to give some great advice to all of you who have anxiety/panic and are in the middle of raising young kids -- please don't let anxiety rob you of all those special times.  The feeling of guilt and regret you feel from missing out on those times with your children is far worse than the anxiety you feel when you just push through and do it anyway!  Believe me, I know it's hard but just do it anyway! Take care everyone and hope to meet some people on this board!
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Online Cuchculan

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Re: Just getting by but not living fully
« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2014, 12:31:20 PM »
Welcome to the forum. Good to have you as a member. Here you are with like minded people. People who understand. As we all suffer from something or other. So feel free to ask any questions. Our members are always willing to help others out. Good chatroom too. 3 posts to enter the room.

Find the correct section of the forum that suits your condition and create a new topic on it. This is just a welcome section. Never really get the same amount of help in this section as you would on the other sections of the forums. So whatever one suits the questions you are asking. Get much better answers.
All users of the chatroom must be 18 years old or over. The room is off limits to anybody under the age of 18.
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The Lovable Irish Rogue

Offline Never-Quit

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Re: Just getting by but not living fully
« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2014, 12:46:33 PM »
I just turned 50 recently, and looking back on when anxiety and panic attacks took over my life at the age of 29. 

Welcome CautiousKat!  Boy, do we have a lot in common!

I am 54, happily married and my kids are now in their 20-30's and I even had grandkids, I know firsthand what you are speaking of, having my ripped apart at the age of 19-20 and yet with a lot hard work finally at a point in my life that I feel normal  :yes:

After decades of trying different CBTs, mental therapy and almost all the common meds - I am now finally at a Strong Point in my life...

I am happy to hear about your success  :sign0061:

This forum has many caring people that can help you reach the next level of your journey  :grinning-smiley-003:
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Never, never, never give up. -Winston Churchill

“You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you."   ~ John Wooden

Offline cautiouskat

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Re: Just getting by but not living fully
« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2014, 03:19:58 PM »
Thanks, NeverQuit - I appreciate the response.  I guess I'm to the point where my kids (27, 24, and 14) are needing me less and less, and I have always used them as motivation.  We'll do anything for our kids right? Even my 14 year old doesn't think it's that cool to spend time with me anymore, and I'm really feeling lonely.  I lost my mom a few years ago, and she was really my best friend.  I hate that I limit my life to accommodate anxiety.  I do get out of the house to take care of certain things (I used to be mildly agoraphobic), but I hate grocery stores when I'm by myself.  I really can't stand being in meetings (I can't breathe if called upon to introduce myself).  I would like to have a job outside the home, but even my psychiatrist tries to tell me that's a bad idea.  I feel like I am a functioning person with a hidden burden to carry.  Wish I could unload it and enjoy the rest of my life.  I told myself at 40 I wasn't going to spend the next decade with anxiety limiting my life, but here I am with it still lurking in the background at 50.  I am grateful that I am not housebound, but I wish I could find my true passion in life and truly live life instead of living entirely for my family.  I really use my husband as a crutch way too much when facing anxious situations, and he is too willing to accommodate me.  Thanks for listening and for the warm welcome!
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