I, like you, have suffered most of my adult life from 19 years old to my late 40's - with everything you have posted - fear of eating, migraines, fear of everything and anything ... I am now in my 50's and 100% better.
I, like you, have been years of therapy - with some results, but no real changes, I just kept losing years of my life....
I, like you, hated the idea of medications - reading all those horrible stories on t.v. and internet...
While I was dreading looking for a job - because all of my anxiety and panic attacks and OCD, I had an EPIPHANY - now know as a "Paradigm - Shift" in my thinking...
In our society, we drink alcohol - which if you think logically shouldn't this be on the DEA's list Controlled Substances - for no one will argue with "Irresponsible drinking" ... yet we have a STIGMA about taking an FDA approved medication under the supervision of a trained Doctor?? And a patient who will take the responsibility to use it properly??
One of my doctor's (after the 101th visit, probably just wanted me out of his office
handed me a xerox copy of a book: And asked me, what if all this NOT Psychological
but what if this is a biologically
None of my Drs, had ever mentioned that idea - it was Heresy in the medical health community (this was in the early 1980's)
Long story short, I had to try a different approach:
Yes, it took a lot of effort, but I got my life back!
Today - I take Prozac (20-40 mg) depending on the stress levels of family and work, and Diazepam 10 mg. at night for the last 15 years. And I have my life back
This is an excerpt from a breakthrough book from Dr. David V. Sheenan - "The Anxiety Disease" "Anxiety is not always psychological but rather a disease that can now be controlled. The symptoms are devastating: sudden unprovoked attacks of anxiety-accompanied by skipping and racing of the heart, shortness of breath, lightheadedness, dizzy spells. Even worse is the fear that you are losing your mind. But here's the good news. The more unexpected and unprovoked the attacks or the symptoms, the more likely that the victim is suffering from a biologically beset disease. What's more, medical science can now overcome this disease in virtually all cases through a combination of drugs and behavior therapy."
- Dr. David V. Sheenan
Also, i feel your pain, I am sorry that you had to endure a man with no character at your company, and now you are in "Limbo Land" - being unemployed is a real stressor - I hate not having a schedule, a job, a network of friends that work provided.
Keep asking Questions!! Never give up!! There are answers out there!!
Hope you feel better and hang in there!!