I'll try not to get too caught up in extra details, but starting in October (of 2013), I started to regress into a slump of OCD that I had escaped for quite a while. I'm nearing the end of my freshman year of high school, but it's been an absolutely horrible year. I suffered through some pretty traumatic trials on Zoloft (and being present at school during that time only made matters worse) and I truly never relaxed for a good 7 months. Throughout that period, I lost any motivation to do schoolwork, to hang out with friends, and to play sports. Prior to this year, I played on the high school basketball team because I got pulled up in 8th grade, I played volleyball, was on the honor roll, and I was never ever seen with a huge group of my friends. Things are so different now, because I have no motivation to play sports, and I'm trying my hardest in school, but nothing I do seems to get me the high 90 grades I had last year. I've spent a lot of days at school feeling like I'm going absolutely crazy, and it's terrifying just sitting there, and it actually feels like I need to run out, it feels like I'm all jittery and I can't think straight. I've been getting this since I was on the Zoloft (Obviously the medication is 100% out of my system as I discontinued taking it after 4 weeks) but I've been feeling the same "crazy" feeling, and I've never had it before in all of the 10 years I've had anxiety/OCD/hypochondria. I've also felt strangely irritable, and I just feel annoyed by everyone, to the point where I kind of just want to flail my arms and scream, and it even terrifies me to type that because I have no clue what's wrong with me, as that doesn't sound like a normal thing to do. I've NEVER been an angry or violent person, and prior to this year, I was never irritable. I'm so scared that this is the onset of psychosis or schizophrenia, and I'm so scared that I'm just going to lose it at school or in the middle of class and get carried away to a mental institution. All this anxiety has been subsiding on weekends lately, but it normally comes back during the week. I'm just so scared by my own thoughts that I want to run home and cry in my room alone, just to make sure that I wouldn't go crazy in public or anything. I often get thoughts of banging my head on a table or hurting others (my friends and family), and I even went through a point where thoughts of *****- never actual suicidal thoughts, just intrusive OCD thoughts- filled my mind almost every hour that I was awake. It's really terrifying, and I think my OCD might have been so bad today because I saw a TV show yesterday on schizophrenics, but I woke up this morning feeling strangely irritable. I've never had any issues with being a good student, but ever since midterms this year my mind completely races at tests and I often end up panicking a lot, which is why finals are now stressing me out a lot, and I want to cry because I don't even want to take them. I feel like after what happened this year, I definitely won't be able to attend public school anymore, and I'm so scared. It's been an on and off battle every single week with hm family because I often have at least one day a week where I'm absent due to really intense anxiety about either my emetephobia or other OCD issues. (I've always had "school refusal"- not truancy!!- behaviors) and my parents have gotten to the point where they've threatened me with hospitalization (a mental hospital), special ed, and they often ground me for my anxious behaviors.
I'm so terrified, and I know that I really need to finish out school and finals as there's only one week of classes and then finals, but I feel like I'll go crazy before then, please help
Should I make an appointment with my therapist? I haven't seen him in a few weeks because I've been doing progressively better- yet I'm really scared to tell him my true thoughts and feelings because I'm scared he'll put me in a mental hospital, despite the fact that he continually tells me that I won't "go crazy" and that I'm more sane than most people he knows. Yet I still don't feel sane, so help please?
I just want to be back to my normal self again.