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Author Topic: Anxiety isn't me but it has a hold on me  (Read 842 times)

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Offline envirogirl

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Anxiety isn't me but it has a hold on me
« on: June 07, 2014, 12:21:34 PM »
Hi everyone, I posted this in the meet me section, missed that there was other sections.


So, its been a few months of dealing with anxiety and I havent been able to work; I tried doing some little stuff at work but even that made me anxious. I had my worst anxiety/panic attack at the gas station one night, I got lightheaded, my heart was racing, I was shaking and couldn't think straight. Since then I haven't been able to go to the store to get food; thankfully friends have helped me by going to the store for me but I think people are at their wit with it. (It's been five months going on 6; yes this started on New Years Eve; probably a bit before then too). My boss is giving me that time I need until I can get back to working, but I'm not making anything and I'm living off of what I have saved. I live in my mothers house for free but she is even at her wits with that as well. (I'm 27)
Some days I just want my life back, pre-anxiety and other days I'm okay; but theres more bad days than good.
I don't really go anywhere because of the anxiety but I try to go if I can to just  leave my house for a lil while.
I went to a festival where I camped and I ended up getting sick the next morning with vertigo; found out a week later my ear was all inflamed and had fluid building up in my ear; that hopefully was the cause of it!
Since then my anxiety has elevated a bit.
I get that flight or fight mode, my body feels off. Sometimes I feel this ache but its a emptyness, many tingly, I don't know how to explain it that surrounds my face and head. It not tingly but its .. ahh so hard to explain. Once I get back home Im okay but I do have anxiety moments while I'm here too.
I am now eating healthy; its been going on two weeks of eating almost everything non processed and actually making dinner each night. ( I skipped dinner once and just ate cereal, wasn't that smart, felt crappy the next day)
I'm continuing to eat better but I can't seem to push through the anxiety and just panic when it happens.
I went to go biking the other day and I started going down the trail and felt off so I made my friend turn around and go back home; which was only a few mins down the road. Afterwards I felt lame that I didn't continue, and even walking back to the car I felt like I wanted to break down and cry but I just walked back pushing through the what felt like I was about to cry.
When I went to the doctor, my BP is normal 116/72 or even 120/82 (I may be off a few numbers but that is what it was near) and this is with me feeling anxious.
Next weekend I have a little event I am in charge of, that I've been planning for a few weeks and some.I thought I'd be through all this anxiety stuff but I'm not.
I need to be well for next weekend and I'm scared of being anxious and freaking out or something. Maybe I can just stuff my face all day with food constantly .. I don't know. Help! It's very important that I be there to make it all happen.
Being around everyone may be a lil nervous feeling.
My chiropractor gave me a Natural Process supplement called Cataplex G, but I'm afraid that if my blood pressure is normal when I have an anxiety attack that it may lower it to even a lower state then it should be.. I don't understand it.  *shrugs*
Sorry for all the writing, had to get it all out.

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Offline comoso

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Re: Anxiety isn't me but it has a hold on me
« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2014, 04:23:49 PM »
My advice after being where you're at for 10 months.  Get to a psychiatrist yesterday.  These disorders are totally treatable.
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Offline Julie A. Cook

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Re: Anxiety isn't me but it has a hold on me
« Reply #2 on: June 07, 2014, 04:56:35 PM »
Anxiety diorders are treatable and you are way too young to be sufering through this.

You need to get on an antidepressant that works for you, and while you're adjusting, perhaps an anxiolytic drug.  The herbal remedies, in my experience, haven't worked.

And, yes, you have to talk to a either a psychiatrist or a therapist who works with  a psychiatrist who can prescribe for you.  The longer you wait, the more entrenched these negative though patterns become.

I wish you good luck as you recover, and you will with meds, courage, and patience.

Best,

Julie

P.S.  Anxiety is just a feeling.  Let it float off you and don't be ashamed of it.





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Offline envirogirl

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Re: Anxiety isn't me but it has a hold on me
« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2014, 05:03:27 PM »
That is what I've been trying to stay away from is medication. I can barely afford to go to a psychologist let alone find a psychiatrist to go to. I'm one of those that doesn't have health insurance and I don't qualify for assistance; I'm from Pennsylvania and they are just a pain in the arse to try to get any insurance help.
I know I need to get through this all together but I keep focusing on just getting through next weekend.   
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Online forever young

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Re: Anxiety isn't me but it has a hold on me
« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2014, 10:06:41 AM »
The main thing don't run from your feelings that is all they are. I ran from my panic attacks and now have agrophobia that I have had for years. I am on meds but am having trouble facing my fears. you have felt the worse of the panic and it can't harm you. You are in the beginning of this I wish I had not run from mine but then that is human nature to want to protect your self. looking back it was so scarey I ran I would probably do the same thing today. Get the book by Claire weekes hope and help for your nerves  it explains in depth how you develop all this and how to recover she says face your fears.
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Offline Never-Quit

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Re: Anxiety isn't me but it has a hold on me
« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2014, 11:46:35 AM »
I had my worst anxiety/panic attack at the gas station one night, I got lightheaded, my heart was racing, I was shaking and couldn't think straight. Since then I haven't been able to go to the store to get food; thankfully friends have helped me by going to the store for me but I think people are at their wit with it. (It's been five months going on 6; yes this started on New Years Eve; probably a bit before then too).



=================================================================================================
I went to a festival where I camped and I ended up getting sick the next morning with vertigo; found out a week later my ear was all inflamed and had fluid building up in my ear; that hopefully was the cause of it!


Hi Envirogirl ,

Many of us can relate - been there before, yes it is more common than you think.

You are only 27 years old, I wish I had these resources and people to help me when I was going through this.

You appear to have had a full blown PANIC ATTACK - since you are now having fears of going to the grocery store (sounds familiar...experienced the same thing...)

The biggest fear I had, and it appears most of have - the fear to take medications!  This outdated and inaccurate stigma has to go, it cost me 13 years of my life because I didn't want to appear "weak, dependent and stupid" to myself and to others. 

This is the #1 fear you need to confront, don't fear medications - they can be life savers... You are now on your 6th Month with no relief - it is time to see a doctor or a psychiatrist as soon as possible, not necessarily to get medications, but you owe it to yourself to know what your options are, and that you get properly diagnosed.

Not having insurance, etc, was the same excuses I used in the past to avoid my fears, but there are resources available  to you - don't allow the excuse - 'I don't have Insurance' stop you from seeking the help you need.

Some people eventually learn to deal with this "chemical imbalance"  through natural means - CBT, Self-talk, etc (I did this for over 10 years), and some people will take advantage of awesome medications out there that can I consider nothing short of "miracle pills" that allow you to regain control of your life (Today, I use medication to control a "chemical imbalance" that is not my fault, and I wish I would have faced this fear instead of losing all those years of my life). 

It is always your choice!  You have the right and power to do what is best for you. :yes:

====

Also, I noticed you mentioned VERTIGO - which in itself can cause inner-ear problem that can trigger a panic attack.  An idea you might want to to consider to trying a motion sickness tablet like Bonine (much better than others, less drowsiness) - for the next week, this helped lower the intensity of my panic attacks so I could manage them and keep on working and functioning.  You can view a post I created last week, that helped me get at least a 50% control of my anxiety using Motion Sickness tables from Walgreens, or Walmart (they are non psychiatric drugs) - but they truly helped me in a pinch....

We are all here to help you ... we have a great group of caring individuals in this forum, make sure to take advantage the experience and expertise of these wonderful people.

You will be doing great in no time !!   :nature-smiley-016:
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Never, never, never give up. -Winston Churchill

“You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you."   ~ John Wooden

Offline envirogirl

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Re: Anxiety isn't me but it has a hold on me
« Reply #6 on: June 09, 2014, 02:18:43 PM »
Thank you forever young , I'll look into the book.
Its hard not to run away from it, after the fact I get a little down on myself that I didn't just stick through it; for example the bike ride with my friend and making her turn around. I should have just stopped, sit , let it ride through and then continue on our ride but instead I set my mind on what I felt I needed to do and it was something I needed to do.
When in reality, I probably most  likely didn't NEED to turn around and go back.
Never-Quit, Monday I go to see my therapist, shes only a psychologist but I can ask her opinion on taking something; perhaps it may be the right thing to do. I fear medications a bit because of stories I've heard but I guess our bodies all react differently anyways.
Nonetheless I NEED my life back and that is for something that I NEED :)
Not having insurance is a horrible excuse BUT when you have no income and are living off the last money you had saved up, it is an excuse that I have accepted.
The vertigo *knock on wood* hasn't shown face since I took an antibiotic and a nasal spray to help with the inflammation and fluid in my ear ( it also happens to be the ear I'm deaf in so I can never tell really if its "blocked" or what not; probably why this happens to me). I did notice tough that the vertigo intensified because of the anxiety.
I put out some questions to people on the Standard Process Cataplex G supplement to see if that will help ease them; it seems to have helped the one day I had a vertigo episode; I was more calm than the first time when it came back for the first time in 4 years.
I have another appointment with a massage therapist tomorrow; hopefully that will help a bit with the tension I have and cross my fingers it stays good til Saturday night when Saturday's event is all done and said with :)
Sincerely THANK YOU for the encouragement!!
Some people in my life are here to help while others are just fed up with trying.
*I"m a bit stubborn* LOL
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Offline envirogirl

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Re: Anxiety isn't me but it has a hold on me
« Reply #7 on: June 16, 2014, 03:06:34 PM »
Hi Everyone! so I started to take something called L-Theanine ; it seems to ease me when I just need to become calm.
I'm very antsy at the moment though; had a lil bit of an anxiety moment that I've never had before; I came in from learning how to use the lawn mower ( year at 27 yrs old I am now just learning) and I came in to check on some stuff online and all of a sudden my throat felt off and I guess my body freaked out and went into panic mode. Got a class of water, counted my heartbeat for a full minute and my heart then calmed down and I felt a bit better. Whew! Still a lil antsy though.
This past weekend I had the event to put on ( which just became an informal day of fun!) and I was sooo anxious leading up to it, i asked a friend for a ride, got there, was excited then became a little anxious; even had that energy rise up inside of you feeling; that passed very quickly as I just continued walking and doing what I was doing. I got to the river and sat down on the rocks and felt the anxiety coming on even more. Another woman who was there asked me what was up and she actually talked me through it; it really helped! I felt great for the rest of the day, talking and meeting some really cool people AND even spending some time with a guy I dated a year ago that ended because he wasn't feeling the same way. We haven't really spent any time together except once for a brief moment of time and it was nice; I felt like I had a friend back who I absolutely trust so much!
Into the night when I came home I felt happy and on cloud nine and even giggly!
The next day I headed out to a "lake" and hung out with some coworkers/friends and got to get in the way and paddle around a bit; felt good. Got a little anxious before I left; partly why I left when I did but partly I was just getting bored a bit. ( I always feel like I have to keep moving or my anxiousness kicks in!)
All was good til todays lil anxious throat feeling off thing but I'm keeping myself from trying not to think of it; but it was so weird! I never had that feeling before. I don't want to again.
I HOPE that one day soon I will not have to worry about any of this anymore! I've decided, well I want my old life back, but NOW I was my life to be just free of anxiety and panic AND I just want to keep living the adventure that on my good days I keep getting the snips of!
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Offline envirogirl

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Re: Anxiety isn't me but it has a hold on me
« Reply #8 on: June 16, 2014, 03:08:46 PM »
ALSO to add It is so much better when people talk you through something; actually TALK WITH YOU rather than just AT YOU!  Just got to keep reminding myself that I am safe and in a safe place and all those negative thoughts need to go away. My friend who calmed me down ( new friend; I've met a few times before) said i should try to bury the anxiety. I'm going to give it a try. Write it all down and bury it! Or even just a empty box of energy.. =)
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Offline Never-Quit

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Re: Anxiety isn't me but it has a hold on me
« Reply #9 on: June 16, 2014, 03:25:58 PM »
Hi Everyone! so I started to take something called L-Theanine ; it seems to ease me when I just need to become calm.

Great Progress  :grinning-smiley-003: on the L-Theanine, I looked at some of the reviews on Amazon, it is highly rated by some its users.

Keep up the good work, and keep us in the loop on this L-Theanine natural supplement, and how it works for you!  :action-smiley-065:
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Never, never, never give up. -Winston Churchill

“You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you."   ~ John Wooden

Offline envirogirl

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Re: Anxiety isn't me but it has a hold on me
« Reply #10 on: June 24, 2014, 06:18:22 PM »
HI Never Quit!
So far so good with the L-Theanine. While it doesn't stop the panic attacks, its eases the intensity and I feel calmer each day. Yesterday I only took 1! Normally I take 200mg at breakfast then 100 mg at dinner...Today felt a little different I did my normal.  Some days I get headaches; don't know if its the L-Theanine or allergies. Allergies are quite crazy this year.
Pushing myself to be around people more; the more I'm around people I'm comfortable with the best I feel.
Went to a graduation party for a friends daughter, it was a good time. Had a friend drive to it ( it was an hr away) but I drove back and that even went pretty well.  I had maybe one little moment where I felt a little off and started one of my ticks ( like scratching my hands for fidgiting).
I still haven't tried to go to the store yet; may try to sometime this week since my food supply is lowering. (ha sounds kind of odd saying that)
Sitting outside on the steps for a few minutes a day and soaking up some sunlight helps as well; even walking around my yard a little bit too!
Things are looking up, but sometimes I have my little moments. Keeping the positive thoughts going as much as possible.
A friend invited me out to have drinks with some friends and play some trivia games ( I don't drink); but felt scared about it so I refused the offer and said another time I will. I probably should have gave it a shot but I guess I just didn't want too.
Well cheers to another week; taking it day by day.
I hope to be back at work soon; don't want to start stressing when $ gets low.

ALSO; Just wondering does anyone burp a lot when their anxious? I always feel like I have to burp and it bugs the heck out of me but once I burp I'm all good. (this is prob odd too)
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Offline Never-Quit

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Re: Anxiety isn't me but it has a hold on me
« Reply #11 on: June 24, 2014, 07:44:20 PM »

So far so good with the L-Theanine. While it doesn't stop the panic attacks, its eases the intensity and I feel calmer each day. Yesterday I only took 1! Normally I take 200mg at breakfast then 100 mg at dinner...Today felt a little different I did my normal.


That sounds promising on L-Theanine, keep us informed, I love natural supplements that will help us fight anxiety


  :grinning-smiley-003:
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Never, never, never give up. -Winston Churchill

“You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you."   ~ John Wooden

Offline jjZauis

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Re: Anxiety isn't me but it has a hold on me
« Reply #12 on: July 01, 2014, 03:46:41 PM »
Oh wow there is so much I can totally relate to with you're story.   One of the reasons I sought out a forum like this was because I was getting so frustrated because I felt so alone in this.  Friends of mine just don't understand, and they try, they really do, but at the end of the day they just have no point of reference because they've never gone through this.   Even my boyfriend seems to think it's caused by an underlying unhappiness in our relationship which is just so not true.  I didn't even classify what I was going through as a panic attack because I guess in my mind I have a very specific idea of what a panic attack was.  But basically everything you've described has happened to me.   I give you credit though because it seems like you're not letting it hold you back from doing things like going to concerts, day out with friends, etc. where as I find myself getting so anxious with anticipating how I'm going to feel I've been avoiding the things I used to love doing with friends.   So thanks for sharing your story, and I'm also really happy to hear you've found something that is working for you.
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Offline Lunatone

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Re: Anxiety isn't me but it has a hold on me
« Reply #13 on: July 03, 2014, 04:40:57 AM »
Even as you're recovering from anxiety, you can still get horrible bursts of panic. Think of these as lapses rather than relapses and you should be fine. Sometimes it just hits too many triggers and breaks through all attempts to stop it.

But as you recover, these should become less common and less scary and less debilitation over time. It sucks, and it's slow, and no amount of therapy can completely stop it. The therapy can certainly help a lot, don't get me wrong. But its gonna take a while no matter what you do.

As for things like natural medicines or even pharmecutical ones... I don't use them. Instead I learn everything i can about anxiety and panic and the like. I can describe in specific details what goes on during attacks, chemically. Why you do the things you do and feel the way you do. This is how I solve the problems that tend to come up in my life a lot. As with any other approach, its not 100% effective. But knowledge is power, or some-such.

I tend to ramble a lot and get easily distracted. I can't recall what point i was trying to make. its all in there somewhere though.
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Offline envirogirl

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Re: Anxiety isn't me but it has a hold on me
« Reply #14 on: July 08, 2014, 04:04:05 PM »
jjZ! Truly some people just don't understand. Some days are good .. some days are soso and other days just stink!
I'm proud of myself for a few good days that I worked through the anxiety; like the event I put on that just became more informal than the informal that was planned; but I didn't let it get to me. Which actually I didn't even notice until afterwords.
I think what put me in good spirits were the people I were around and them just all having fun! When there is soo much positive energy around you, you just can't help but pick some of it up   :bigsmile:
It also kind of helped that my ex was there and we have continued being friends and well bad part of it was all those feelings of hanging out with him all came back but I had to remind myself that it is what it is that nothing will change.
Another day that was great was me driving to my massage therapist on my own!
My grandma just recently moved away after my grandpa's passing, and I had her to lean on to. But she was super proud of me when I called her and told her I did it! Positive re-enforcement is all I think we need, in some ways!
Some days I sit here and I wonder where everything in life is going and I feel stuck, like nothing will improve and I beat myself over it. Then other days I wake up and I'm ready to face the outdoors and just enjoy the sun on my face.
I haven't been food shopping yet, which is the toughest thing for me. I really need to. No one is willing to help with that anymore; they all think i need to get over it and just deal already. I just don't feel ready.  :(
But little steps are key. Just one day out with one or two friends helps.
I avoid being in public like I would avoid the plague. I tend to feel better at night as well; more so than during the day *shrugs*
Its funny I can find myself pushing positiveness onto others but for myself not so much unless I conquer something.. hmm

Lunatone ! I agree, there will always be relapses. I kind of wonder though if anxiety is part of impatience?  I don't know. I feel like the counseling wasn't going anywhere for me. I feel like sometimes I need someone to hold my hand and walk me through it.
I hope it becomes less scary.. fear encompasses me very easily.
I ramble too and loose my points =) It happens! Lol
I wish it didn't improve slowly!

Tanya 
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