Hi. I want to start by saying that WoW, I guess I am not the only one that thought that they were the only one with the fear of eating, drinking, medication, smells, things touching them ect...
I to live in great fear of something terrible going wrong and having an allergic reaction. Agoraphobia social anxiety and others
. I do believe that we have more in common than just our symptoms though and that's encouraging in its self. That would be the fight to re find ourselves after all the agonizing turmoil that we have put ourselves through... like the morning secret ritual of .. open eyes... check to see if any body part is tingling ... am I itchy ?... grab the flashlight and check my throat to see if it is swollen because I think it feels like it... fearing what the rest of the day will bring, I think about what day is it, is it near the weekend and will my husband ask me to go some where? already in panic mode and haven't even had my first cup of coffee... stomach growling from lack of food, I carefully make my way to the kitchen to start the coffee and hoping that someone hasn't tracked anything in on there shoes for me to step on. I go through the list of things that I might have for breakfast as I make the coffee. Well that didn't take long. Lets see, there's Velveeta shells and cheese, or corn checks or top ramen. Anyway, you know what I'm saying. This is totally crazy... I don't want to live this way.... I'm so frustrated and its not even 5 AM... I feel ridiculous embarrassed childish and angry and scared. But through all that, I have one emotion that stays steadfast... and that's determination
. I am one of the lucky ones to have a family support team that although they can't physically put themselves in my place, they support me and stay by my side when I'm having my panic attach's. I Love them the hole world over and thank them every chance I get.But I need more... I need answers... how did I get this way? what is it called ? will it ever go away? how can I get control over my mind again ?