I've been dealing with this looming fear of the future for a while now and I don't know what to do! I hate feeling this way and I hate the feeling of fear, apprehension, and negativity that I've been projecting into my future.
Granted, I'm about to make big life changes by way of getting married and moving into a house or apartment (from my parents house where I've lived comfortably for 22 years). I also do not have a "real job" even though I'm working full time at the same company where I've worked part-time for years (not making a salary or anything, just bumped up hours now that I'm finished with college). It's not what I want to do as a career but what I intended to do with my undergraduate degree didn't pan out the way I initially hoped. So I'm stuck in a state of indecision on where to go, even though I feel the need to have it figured out before we buy a house and get married next June.
I don't know where this feeling comes from, other than the uncertainty about the future. I feel fine & feel like myself when I'm with my friends and family, but when I'm left alone my mind defaults to scary thoughts about "what if I can't figure out what to do with my life? What if my marriage isn't as great as I hope? What if something is seriously wrong with me, mentally?!" So many scary sensations run through my mind. Logically, I know my upcoming marriage is going to be wonderful, but anxiety makes me overthink and question everything! Same thing with moving out- I've had issues with derealization and I know that moving to a new community is going to cause me to feel uncomfortable, so I'm worried about that. What if I hate it and want to go home?? I'm just so afraid of the limitations anxiety is having on my life. I fear depression also so I'm constantly monitoring my moods as well, and it scares me that I'm not as "carefree" as I used to be (only when I'm feeling anxious- like I said, when I'm distracted by friends and family or busy, all these feelings go away).
Can anyone relate or help me out? It's so frustrating and I just want to get rid of this stupid monster call anxiety!