Living life seems too strange to me. I wake up every morning with these thoughts in my head about how weird life is, and I feel super aware of my existance. I feel like I'm watching myself do things. I honestly am not thinking obsessively that much anymore, but I just can't seem to live my life normally anymore because everything I see, Do, Hear, Experience, is tainted with a "this is weird" feeling. It's almost like I'm trying to return to my normal life after my really bad Depersonalization, and my brain won't let me make the switch because it remembers my obsessive thoughts. I used to think that I had debugged life's code, and no human had ever thought these things before... Like I discovered that life was fake. But honestly, if I can breathe subconsciously, If my heart beats, hair grows, I blink, all subconsciously and on my own... There is no way that I have discovered a loophole in consciousness itself... Using my own consciousness.
This weird feeling goes away when I'm distracted, or to be honest, when I'm in a stressful situation. My mind is fixating on other important issues, not these crap thoughts. I feel like a fool. I have a fantastic family, I'm in great physical health, I'm getting good grades, never EVER been abused, and I live in a stable environment. But there are people living in dirt shacks with nothing, fighting to get food just to live another day in their crap environment. Here I am... So selfish... So pointless. But I'm anxiety riddled nonetheless and I would love to be able to live normally again.