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Author Topic: Should I cancel our vacation??  (Read 268 times)

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Offline mroussa

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Should I cancel our vacation??
« on: May 27, 2014, 10:48:08 AM »
My family of 4 (we have 2 little children) have planned a week-long vacation in another state in a rent house on the lake. Because of my HA issues that have come back full force & my obsession with breast cancer, I am so hung up on getting awful news at my OBGYN appt this Friday that will keep us here & we will have to cancel it.

I have in my head that:

I will go to the GYNO
He will do a breast exam
Feel all the lumps I get during ovulation (that have gone down a lot since I got off of my period)
Order a mammogram STAT
I will have to wait for the results, but not too long bc they will call me in for a biopsy
The biopsy shows cancer
Trip cancelled bc I am dying

This has played out in my head for 2 weeks now. I haven't even started getting a thing together to go bc I am SO CONVINCED we won't go bc of cancer.
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Offline Sunlover

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Re: Should I cancel our vacation??
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2014, 10:56:49 AM »
Oh wow I do that ALL the time!!  If there is anyway I can do something I wait until AFTER my "fun" time to schedule an appointment.  Are you going to the gyno due to having some issues or is it just a routine exam?  Or are you going because you just THINK you have issues?  If it's just a routine exam or you are going merely for "peace of mind"  I would cancel the EXAM, go have fun and then take the appointment at a later date!  Most of the fun of a vacation is looking forward to it and you can't do that.  If you cancel you can then put all your energy into looking forward to the trip and enjoying yourself.
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Offline mroussa

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Re: Should I cancel our vacation??
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2014, 11:04:14 AM »
The appointment was made at my therapists advice bc I haven't had an annual in 2 years. I was having breast tenderness & all that for a few weeks, but low & behold.....that's all but gone away since I have stopped my period. (Funny how that happens)

I am mainly going to see if he can write a Rx for my anxiety medication. My appt with the person who can do that isn't until mid-June & I need to start it NOW.

I am just so fearful of the breast exam part since that's where my HA has been festering.
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Offline mrpig

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Re: Should I cancel our vacation??
« Reply #3 on: May 27, 2014, 01:26:55 PM »
Hello again,

I can totally sympathize with your way of thinking on this but... if you cancel your holiday you will be letting your fears win. Sometimes we have to force ourselves to be normal for the sake of our families who need us to just pretend everything's fine.
And even I have to admit that we don't notice our symptoms half as much when we are distracted, if at all. X
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Offline mroussa

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Re: Should I cancel our vacation??
« Reply #4 on: May 27, 2014, 01:33:42 PM »
That's true.

This weekend I was so distracted, my symptoms all but disappeared. I ALMOST started feeling normal again.
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Offline vardnas

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Re: Should I cancel our vacation??
« Reply #5 on: May 27, 2014, 01:37:54 PM »
Don't cancel your vacation. Go on your vacation. You'll regret it in the long run if you don't. Remember, it's difficult, but you're in control of your fears, so don't let your fears control you.
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In case anyone is still confused:  googling your symptoms will cause you to remain in a state of extreme anxiety. Stepping away from the internet is the first step toward lasting peace.

Offline Scaredofsymptoms

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Re: Should I cancel our vacation??
« Reply #6 on: May 27, 2014, 01:54:25 PM »
Vacations always helped me mellow out. I felt 10X better during them and right after - maybe it will be a nice reprieve from your anxiety.
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Offline mroussa

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Re: Should I cancel our vacation??
« Reply #7 on: May 27, 2014, 02:20:04 PM »
I wish I could get excited about going...but I am so caught up on "dying".
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Offline mrpig

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Re: Should I cancel our vacation??
« Reply #8 on: May 27, 2014, 02:47:04 PM »
I know what you mean because I think exactly the same and keep looking at my lovely son and imagining the heartbreak of dying and leaving him. But he needs me to put my needs and obsession to one side. I'm having to force myself.

You need to go if only for your lovely family. If we are dying of something at the moment (which we all think we are) it's even more motivation to do as much as possible with our children who deserve to be shielded completely from our anxieties.

There is clearly a family predisposition towards anxiety as in my family but just do a bit of acting for the sake of your children and you may just forget your worries for a while?
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Offline mroussa

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Re: Should I cancel our vacation??
« Reply #9 on: May 27, 2014, 02:54:56 PM »
You are right...I need to shield them from my anxiety. But I want them to have a HAPPY mom & today I am a basket case.

I thought I was doing better, then I went & dug around under my arm for God knows what & found a swollen lymph node & now I am back to square 1.  :traurig001:

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Offline mrpig

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Re: Should I cancel our vacation??
« Reply #10 on: May 27, 2014, 03:18:25 PM »
Oh bless you I totally know what you mean. Ive had a swollen node under one ear since I had glandular fever 14 years ago. People can see it and comment on it, as do doctors.  I just say it can't be that serious because its been like it for years.
Its mad how selective we are about what we worry about isnt it?   
It would be great if we could be hypnotised to not fear illness and death
X
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Offline mroussa

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Re: Should I cancel our vacation??
« Reply #11 on: May 27, 2014, 03:27:04 PM »
I have never experienced anything like this before & I am SCARED.TO.DEATH.
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Offline mrpig

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Re: Should I cancel our vacation??
« Reply #12 on: May 27, 2014, 03:52:44 PM »
It's the afternoon where you are so if you can, go and give your children a big cuddle or if you're on your own put some really loud music on and go for a long walk. You need to get away from the internet  for a while and physically tire yourself out.
To live with this extreme anxiety means we are not living at all x
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Offline mroussa

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Re: Should I cancel our vacation??
« Reply #13 on: May 27, 2014, 03:55:51 PM »
I'm at work.

I wish I was alone.
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Offline mrpig

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Re: Should I cancel our vacation??
« Reply #14 on: May 27, 2014, 04:44:35 PM »
Its much worse for all of us when we are on our own. Then our minds can run away with us. Distraction is really the only thing that helps me
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