Ok so I'm having a panic attack as I type this but I'm not sure what to do. About 20ish days ago, my psychiatrist finally convinced me to start taking Ativan for my panic disorder(I've had it for about 7 years unmedicated, he doesn't know I know that I've had it for 7 years, I only started seeing him a year ago). I avoided taking it so long because I'm also prescribed a stimulant for ADHD and I don't want the pharmacist to think I'm a junky or something(I know it's irrational, but I hate the way I feel when I fill my prescriptions).
Anyway, the prescription was for 60 pills, 1mg every 6 hours as needed. I followed the instructions with a one time exception of taking 2 because I was shaking and thought I was going to vomit. I usually have about 4-5 panic attacks a week (I told my doctor I only have 2-3 because I didn't really want to be on anxiety meds in the first place) but since starting this medication it was happening everyday. Now 15 days before the refill date, I'm out of my medication. I don't want to to try to refill it because I don't want the pharmacist or my doctor to think I'm abusing my medication.
I don't know what to do, I keep having this fear that my doctor is going to think I abuse my medication, pull me off both my medications, which would make my work performance slip and ultimately make me lose my job.
Also, I should also note that my doctor wanted me to take an SSRI but I refused for fear of inducing serotonin syndrome. Now he's going to think I only wanted the Ativan. What do I do?