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Author Topic: Not sure this is the right forum  (Read 359 times)

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Offline Jonnysmith

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Not sure this is the right forum
« on: May 25, 2014, 10:52:48 AM »
I maybe on the wrong forum but my symptoms are going much worse. It all began with anxiety and frequent feelings of deja vu and my memory is terrible. This has been like this for months and months but now it has gone so severe that everything in the world is so surreal I have forgotten even simple tasks how to do them. I question life and how we got here and thinking about days of the week seems so strange for instance why do we call Monday a Monday. What is happening to me? Is this a sign of schizophrenia? I have my first apt with a mental health specialist tomorrow, will citalopram and CBT make me better or am I stuck with this?
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Not sure this is the right forum
« Reply #1 on: May 25, 2014, 11:28:04 AM »
You've come to a good place, plenty to read and learn and consider. We struggle, some of us for years, and never give up.

Believe it or not, you'll gradually come to appreciate the process of learning about yourself. You may even get to a point of helping others. CBT requires attention, effort, and work but can be effective. Best wishes for tomorrow.
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Offline Jonnysmith

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Re: Not sure this is the right forum
« Reply #2 on: May 25, 2014, 11:34:07 AM »
Thanks for response but will I feel normal again after taking citalopram back to how I was or is this it for ever?
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Not sure this is the right forum
« Reply #3 on: May 25, 2014, 12:18:48 PM »
No, this is not likely to be forever. Sorry, don't know anything about citalopram or the possible roots of your anxiety or the awakening of your mind to existential questions that have existed forever.

As you begin to calm down simple tasks will return with ease and confidence. Who knows why Monday is Monday but you'll come to accept what is and maybe even enjoy your questioning and expanding mind. For now perhaps you may just want to go for a walk (as I shortly will) and marvel at nature.
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Offline Jonnysmith

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Re: Not sure this is the right forum
« Reply #4 on: May 25, 2014, 01:17:26 PM »
Hi tinam I really cannot do this through one day at a time I am really struggling so much. My memory is terrible and worried I have damaged by brain that this is it forever. I even look at my family and they don't look real I am scared I will end up in a mental hospital, I am close to feeling suicidal thinking this is it forever. Life feels so unreal I can't explain, I am praying that citalopram will block these weird thoughts and feelings and reverse them with normal though process but scared in case they say only I can change my mind
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Not sure this is the right forum
« Reply #5 on: May 25, 2014, 01:48:34 PM »
Always look for robins on my walk. Only saw crows today. Anxiety and stress will affect the brain and memory, but only temporarily. You might want to ask about citalopram in Medications and Therapy section. People there are knowledgeable about meds. ***** is forever but nothing else is. And we can't ever hurt the people around us in this way. So that is out.

Is there a way you can distract yourself with some activity you can enjoy? Do you like to cook? Listen to music? Go to the gym? Go for a bike ride? Do journaling? I write fantasy "books." This usually is the reward for other work such as laundry or cleaning or trying to get rid of clutter. Also do yoga, tai chi, and meditation. Everything is on YouTube these days. Try any of it.
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Offline andrea34

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Re: Not sure this is the right forum
« Reply #6 on: May 25, 2014, 03:04:52 PM »
I know exactly how you feel. It's called depersonalization/derealization. Look it up. Your mind pretty much goes on auto pilot to protect itself. I had it very severe years ago and ICE had it up and down just recently. It's from all your anxiety and stress. It will go away once your anxiety and intrusive thoughts are under control. Give the meds a chance to work. It takes several weeks. You're not going crazy and you're not alone. I have the same thoughts and feelings. They can be very frightening.
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Not sure this is the right forum
« Reply #7 on: May 25, 2014, 03:16:17 PM »
That's so nice that you joined in, andrea. Means so much more than my babble, sharing your experience and first hand knowledge. JS is not alone and that can mean a great deal.
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Offline Jonnysmith

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Re: Not sure this is the right forum
« Reply #8 on: May 26, 2014, 11:11:26 AM »
Hi Andrea thank you for your kind words of comfort, things are getting worse i actually feel like I am not here and as hard as it is for me to explain I completely don't understand normal things in life. Everything feels so strange and I am not making this up when I say people look bizarre and watching tv and eating food I have to think how to do it and why do I eat weird intrusive thoughts and feelings like this are constant 24/7. Please please please help what is causing this? What will cure me? Stuck like this I am going insane and scared I am ending up in a mental institution? It's the last few days things have gone even worse, can medication like anti depressants make things better?
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Offline andrea34

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Re: Not sure this is the right forum
« Reply #9 on: May 26, 2014, 11:58:14 AM »
Did you Google depersonalization/derealization? It will really help you to get an idea of what you're feeling and dealing with. You're not going crazy and you aren't going to end up in an institution. It's all part of the anxiety. Yes, meds will help take the edge off.
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Offline Jonnysmith

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Re: Not sure this is the right forum
« Reply #10 on: May 26, 2014, 01:54:24 PM »
Hi Andrea thank you for the response I have googled depersonalisation but not so sure my symptoms and thoughts fit. I am experiencing much worse I am finding it so hard to explain but I actually feel like I exist anymore and I am questioning what normal things in life are. Plus when I try and remover old times or things that have happened in my life it doesn't feel real. I am struggling so much to explain what I feel and my memory is horrendous. I wish someone was in my mind experiencing this now just so it can be explained. I am really sorry I don't make sense I am just so scared I will never get over this and I am actually gonna commit *****
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Not sure this is the right forum
« Reply #11 on: May 26, 2014, 02:21:03 PM »
When are you having your appointment with your mental health specialist? You probably need some medication to help get you past the intensity of your current situation.

There is a s-prevention hotline you can call, 1-800-273-TALK so that you can address that issue. You do not want a step that cannot be reversed. There is help for you. You might even consider the ER. We are rooting for you.
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Offline Jonnysmith

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Re: Not sure this is the right forum
« Reply #12 on: May 26, 2014, 03:42:43 PM »
Got my appointment tonight, what is ER? Is their a possibility that my feelings and intrusive thoughts will not respond to CBT or medication because then what do I do? Why can't this be reveresed and be like I was months ago?
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Not sure this is the right forum
« Reply #13 on: May 26, 2014, 03:58:14 PM »
Well, tonight is not so far off. Good. Forget about ER, Emergency at a hospital. Your brain will be helped, feelings will improve, thoughts will improve. Over time you will be as you were. Better informed.

Patience, hope and optimism. You will learn so much. Share it with us and we'll learn too. Hope you are feeling a little reassured.
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Offline Jonnysmith

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Re: Not sure this is the right forum
« Reply #14 on: May 26, 2014, 04:03:32 PM »
Thanks so much for the reassurance but I really don't think a mental health specialist or meds can cure this one, think I have gone to far with my mind and what I am thinking everything literally everything I think and see seem surreal how can CBT or citalopram change that?
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