I'm sorry with what you've had to deal with.
I'm a volunteer firefighter and ambulance driver of 5-6 years. I am currently on medical leave due to my anxiety, which I initially thought was gastrointestinal (I was getting chest pains and had seen a Cardiologist already). Now I am trying to get back on track.
What first responders see would make most of the general public cringe. Carnage, bodies, people in danger and the fear in their eyes... Not every call is like that, but they are there. I've seen my fair share over the years and I am sure that it has, in some capacity, added to my anxiety. Plus the anxiety on top of it to make adequate time for trainings, a certain volume of calls per year, make meetings and everything else on top of regular life, because volunteering doesn't pay the bills (I wish it did!).
I was hoping, since high school, to get into law enforcement. The gun, the badge, the authority and protecting my fellow citizens from danger was something I looked forward to. Plus, it's a job that would've be a 9-5, just sitting at a desk poking away at computer keys (Which I kind of do now lol). But with my anxiety, I don't know if I'll be able to do such tasks in the future.
Anyway, I'm here if you want to vent.