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Offline jennawriter

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introducing myself as first time member
« on: May 21, 2014, 02:38:42 PM »
hello. I have suffered for many years with depression and anxiety issues, but until the past 2-3 months, i have been fully functional, just living with my worrying nature and blues. I still was able to live a full life--work, write, be a mom and wife, enjoy friends, music, etc. Things started to spiral after 2 very stressful years, when my husband was out of work and i returned to a FT job after being an at home writer for 14 years. in october 2012, when i had been at my job for about 9 months, my then 12 year old daughter began refusing to go to school. she had been in therapy but took a real turn during puberty. she has abandonment issues, from being adopted and leaving her foster family to come to us at 16 months. she ended up cutting herself and eventually being hospitalized for depression and anxiety. leaving her at the hospital was the worst nigth of my life, but my job insisted i come in the next day since i was out of vacation time and had not yet been there a year. i was our sole source of income, health insurance, etc, and had to work while constantly worrying about my daughter. there's more to it, but that's the outline. then, my husband thankfully got a job this past november, but we decided i shoudl keep working a few more months to try to pay off some debts. then i began having repeated and extremely painful kidney stone episodes, leading to several ER trips. i decided to leave my job and return to working at home. but 2 months ago in addition to the kidney stones i developed vertigo and dizziness, which the drs have not been able to figure out.

all of this has put me into a kind of anxiety and depression that i had never experienced. i wake up crying and shaking every day. i am seeing a therapist, whom i'd seen some years back. i have been in and out of therapy since my 20s. i had been on prozac for many years, but took myself off last fall (prob not a good idea). i went back on it through a new psych nurse practitioner, and after 4 weeks it wasn't working. she recently switched me to zoloft, and i'm also on xanax.

it's only been 3 days on the zoloft, so i know i can't know if it's working yet. the xanax takes the edge off but makes me very tired and foggy and does nothing to help with the depression. i'm still anxious even with the xanax. i'm feeling horribly guilty for all of this. i can barely get up and down the stairs, i'm so tired and dizzy. my daughter is doing a bit better, and is in school, but still struggles. she is understandably very angry and worried seeing me this way. she counts on me, and i'm a mess. my husband is being helpful but he works 10-12 hours a day, and this is draining on him, too. i've found myself wracked with guilt, even though i know this isn't my fault. but it still feels like it, like i should be able to just get over this and be a wife, mother and normal person again.

in addition to the last 2 stressful years, i have found old griefs are flooding me. i lost my dad when i was 15 to a heart attack (we never ever discussed it after, no feelings allowed in my house), and then my mom when i was 25 to cancer. i find myself in such deep grief about their loss, which i never really processed in a deep way.

having therapy twice a week (once with my therapist and once with NP) isn't enough. and it's expensive and we're in debt. i don't want to be hospitalized inpatient; my daughter needs me here. and i don't know what 5 days would do for me.

i don't want to hear any horror stories about zoloft, but i'm wondering if lexipro might be better for me? i feel so much more tired just 3 days into zoloft, and have begun getting diarrhea (forgive the detail), which i heard is a possible side effect of zoloft.

I so want to be myself again.

i'm
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Offline MobileChucko

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Re: introducing myself as first time member
« Reply #1 on: May 21, 2014, 03:27:40 PM »
Hello Jenna, and welcome to Anxiety Zone!  My name is Chuck, and I am one of the Global Moderators here on the site.

You are now a member of our community, where you will find support and advice from other members in similar situations.   It's always nice to find someone else who understands, and to know you're not alone.

We have sections in the forum that address specific concerns, so feel free to post or start a new topic in the section that best fits your situation.  Feel free to explore the rest of the forum.  You may find the other topics helpful, and you may be able to offer advice or support to someone else.

We also have a chat room for members over the age of 18.  Once you have made three meaningful posts, you will be allowed access to the chat room.

Jenna, Zoloft and Lexapro are both excellent anti-depressants for treating both anxiety and depressive disorders.  Treatment with anti-depressants is a real hit or miss situation, as what works well for you, might not work well for me, and vise-versa.  Since you just started Zoloft three days ago, I would recommend you give that medication a chance.  I am not certain of the amount that your physician has started you on.  50 mg is considered the lowest therapeutic dose for Zoloft, and it is my understanding that most people do well on a range of 100-150 mg.  I have a friend of mine who is on 200 mg, and that works well for him.

You seem to be aware of the fact that anti-depressants take time to work, normally 3 to 12 weeks in which one will see degrees of improvement.

Regarding your therapy, what are you being taught?  Are you working on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), or learning some other form?

Again, I want to welcome you to Anxiety Zone; it's a pleasure to have you on the site.

The very best to you, Jenna!...  Chuck :grinning-smiley-003:
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Offline jennawriter

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Re: introducing myself as first time member
« Reply #2 on: May 21, 2014, 03:46:17 PM »
thank you chuck. I've had lots of therapy over the years, these days talking about old grief, trying to accept my feelings and not run away from them. i did CBT briefly a few years back, but i wasn't in such a bad state then.

i'm thinking of entering a psychiatric day treatment program. the problem is it's an hour drive each way, and with my anxiety at such a high level it's daunting to think i can do that. there aren't any closer programs that have been recommended to me.

i was hoping there might be a group in my area for people with depression, to add to the therapy. any way you can suggest to find that out?

thanks again. it helps to know i'm not alone.
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Offline MobileChucko

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Re: introducing myself as first time member
« Reply #3 on: May 21, 2014, 05:47:20 PM »
You are very welcome, Jenna...

I think the best thing to do is ask your therapist if any groups are available in your area.  I live in a city of about 300,000, asked my therapist just recently if there were any groups out there, and she told me no, that people just didn't support them enough to keep them going.  But perhaps there are some in your area, Jenna.

If the Zoloft works for you in time, maybe you will be able to handle the drive to the day treatment program.

The very best to you, Jenna!...  Chuck :grinning-smiley-003:
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Tags: depression anxiety 
 

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