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Author Topic: Confused  (Read 104 times)

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Offline shaggy

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Confused
« on: May 20, 2014, 02:09:37 PM »
Hi, this is my first post here. ill try to keep it really short but im confused about what i might have. Okay so ill start with what happened.

- About 7 months ago my girlfriend broke up with me. this didnt start my anxiety, it was that around that time i had a panic attack because of a health issue. ER visit and the doctor said i was fine. Anyways, after that panic attack, i felt fine, everything was back to normal. It was my first panic attack that happened over something like that.

- My girlfriend and i got back together about a month after that situation. I had picked up smoking during the break up. I was also consuming one energy drink a day (monster). the energy drink habit had been going on for a long time even before the break up. So, after a month back together i decided to quit both habits cold turkey. The same day after quitting or the day after, i dont really remember, i started getting really bad anxiety attacks and feeling 'off'. I knew i was going to feel sick because of caffeine withdrawal but i didnt know i was going to feel like that. So, having not ever felt anxiety like that, i started freaking out. I had about 2 panic attacks during this time. Anyways, i thought "this might be something serious", so i saw a couple different doctors. Two of them suggested stress and one said depression. I got into the whole, googling my symptoms and that made everything worse. I stopped that and im doing much better at not using the internet for that.

- Fast forward to the present. I now feel anxiety for most of the day. Sometimes theyre set off randomly and other times by what im thinking. My biggest complaint is depersonlization. Also, sometimes i have episodes when im thinking things like "there has to be more to life than this" and nhilistic thoughts, but i admit the nhilistic thoughts ive had since high school. When im having these episodes i get the sense of hopelessness and bad anxiety.

I just started seeing a therapist. Having explained to her about the quitting and what not, she thinks it might be a chemical imbalance. Im guessing she thinks i have depression? for me, it makes more sense as to say that it could be environmental. Simply because im a young dad (that itself is very stressful), i dont have a job because i have social anxiety (im working on it), i hate living with my parents, i feel like everyone is just looking down on me, waiting to see what im going to do with my life and i have no idea what i want to do, i dont have any hobbies, i dont have friends that i hang out with regularly, my relationship has become routine and spontaneous things has ceased, and because i dont do new, exciting things, its all just the same every single day. Im pretty sure its not depression or a chemical imbalance of serotonin because i dont have feelings of sadness, im always just anxious. I get angry that im not out enjoying life and i want to go out but my anxiety just makes it almost impossible. The only thing that i think i have that comes close to depression, is those episodes that i have, but even those just started recently. i still go out and do stuff, even if i dont want to because of the anxiety but when i dont go places, its not a sense of i dont want to but a sense of i dont want to go because of the anxiety.

Although the therapist agreed that i have GAD, she also told me that she thinks that i have the imbalance but i dont know if that was her final evaluation or if she means i have both? i dont know i have to wait until two weeks to ask her. I have an appointment with my doctor to talk about anti-depressents, even though i was hoping i could avoid them :(  its just really annoying and i wish i could just be back to normal and not have anxiety anymore and just stop having depersonlization. idk. what do you guys think?
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Confused
« Reply #1 on: May 21, 2014, 05:55:54 AM »
Chemical imbalance. Have heard that one before. They ask you how you are. What do they expect to hear back. Oh I am great, that is why I came to visit you for help. They base a lot of things on what you tell them. If you told the therapist you were feeling down and low she will always arrive at depression. But I think most people with anxiety are down because the anxiety is stopping them doing things they want to do. If you get a slight lift from the anxiety your mood will probably improve as well. I know that some people can have both anxiety and depression. I think a lot don't. But think they do because that was what the therapist told them. We should all know our own bodies. Yes. This was a big debate I had with a therapist once. When I told him I didn't suffer from depression. He was saying I did. I said it was my life and I know how I feel and why I feel that way. They will probably want to start you on a low dose of something. Just to see how you react to it. If there is a positive change they may up it to the next dose. That can be how all that works. But you have the choice. If you feel you would like to try it another way, now is the time to speak. If you think anxiety medication would be better for you let them know that. In this day and age nobody should have to suffer. It is just about learning how to calm yourself back down once anxiety kicks in. Learning how to change how you think. We have all been there. It can take time. Can take a lot of hard work for you too. But believe in yourself. Things can be put right.
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Offline shaggy

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Re: Confused
« Reply #2 on: May 25, 2014, 01:37:37 PM »
Hey, thanks for replying :) Yeah, i see what you are saying. I think im going to go see a different therapist. i dont really seem to be 'connecting' to this one and she doesnt really seem to get me either. i will consider meds but only after everything else hasn't worked.
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