Hi, this is my first post here. ill try to keep it really short but im confused about what i might have. Okay so ill start with what happened.
- About 7 months ago my girlfriend broke up with me. this didnt start my anxiety, it was that around that time i had a panic attack because of a health issue. ER visit and the doctor said i was fine. Anyways, after that panic attack, i felt fine, everything was back to normal. It was my first panic attack that happened over something like that.
- My girlfriend and i got back together about a month after that situation. I had picked up smoking during the break up. I was also consuming one energy drink a day (monster). the energy drink habit had been going on for a long time even before the break up. So, after a month back together i decided to quit both habits cold turkey. The same day after quitting or the day after, i dont really remember, i started getting really bad anxiety attacks and feeling 'off'. I knew i was going to feel sick because of caffeine withdrawal but i didnt know i was going to feel like that. So, having not ever felt anxiety like that, i started freaking out. I had about 2 panic attacks during this time. Anyways, i thought "this might be something serious", so i saw a couple different doctors. Two of them suggested stress and one said depression. I got into the whole, googling my symptoms and that made everything worse. I stopped that and im doing much better at not using the internet for that.
- Fast forward to the present. I now feel anxiety for most of the day. Sometimes theyre set off randomly and other times by what im thinking. My biggest complaint is depersonlization. Also, sometimes i have episodes when im thinking things like "there has to be more to life than this" and nhilistic thoughts, but i admit the nhilistic thoughts ive had since high school. When im having these episodes i get the sense of hopelessness and bad anxiety.
I just started seeing a therapist. Having explained to her about the quitting and what not, she thinks it might be a chemical imbalance. Im guessing she thinks i have depression? for me, it makes more sense as to say that it could be environmental. Simply because im a young dad (that itself is very stressful), i dont have a job because i have social anxiety (im working on it), i hate living with my parents, i feel like everyone is just looking down on me, waiting to see what im going to do with my life and i have no idea what i want to do, i dont have any hobbies, i dont have friends that i hang out with regularly, my relationship has become routine and spontaneous things has ceased, and because i dont do new, exciting things, its all just the same every single day. Im pretty sure its not depression or a chemical imbalance of serotonin because i dont have feelings of sadness, im always just anxious. I get angry that im not out enjoying life and i want to go out but my anxiety just makes it almost impossible. The only thing that i think i have that comes close to depression, is those episodes that i have, but even those just started recently. i still go out and do stuff, even if i dont want to because of the anxiety but when i dont go places, its not a sense of i dont want to but a sense of i dont want to go because of the anxiety.
Although the therapist agreed that i have GAD, she also told me that she thinks that i have the imbalance but i dont know if that was her final evaluation or if she means i have both? i dont know i have to wait until two weeks to ask her. I have an appointment with my doctor to talk about anti-depressents, even though i was hoping i could avoid them
its just really annoying and i wish i could just be back to normal and not have anxiety anymore and just stop having depersonlization. idk. what do you guys think?