I would rather not have read that story. I'm extremely depressed at the moment and I cannot deal with the idea that I may never recover. I have to drink drops of water and I'm very, very afraid of the air conditioner breaking or going outside on a hot day because I drink water so slowly. I eat very slowly and simply have a technique for eating that involves tilting my head down, almost upside down, before I swallow.
It has absolutely, 100% taken over my life. I am not a functional human being anymore. I am confined to my room and cannot work, play, or go anywhere. I must eat almost for the entire day. I get about 1-2 hours a day of rest before having to eat very, very, very, very slowly until the next meal. I can barely swallow liquids. I am somehow still alive, but I don't know how much longer I can last.
I am still trying to get a referral for a therapist who can help me. I am extremely, absolutely scared that he will not be able to help me. I am undergoing therapy for general anxiety right now and cannot stop focusing on my dry mouth while I'm there.
This may be the worst thing that can happen to anyone next to cancer. I couldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It is absolute daily torture and I don't know how much longer I can stand this without some hope for help. I still can't believe this happened to me and I'm completely angry that it did. I would trade this for diabetes. I would trade this for any other phobia. I would trade this for amnesia. I would lose my memory for the past few months if I could get rid of this, or even the past year. I would trade this for one of the more survivable cancers. I am not kidding. This is completely, absolutely, entirely torture. I do not have a life anymore. I am finished. I can never be happy again. I can never enjoy anything again. My life is just eating small bites of food and drops of water until I die.