I was diagnosed with clinical depression around two years ago, but right now I'm at an all time low. What I've also noticed, is that when I do get into these depressive periods (it's almost like they come in episodes every few weeks or months, and each episode has gotten worse) I notice my fuse gets dramatically shorter and shorter. I lash out to my mom and get uncontrollably angry, throwing things, pushing things, slamming doors, etc. But then over the course of a few minutes, I feel extremely guilty, and I know my mom doesn't deserve that.. I'm 18 and our family has been through hell and back the past few years and she's the strongest and most caring person I know, she deserves so much better than I give her. She has depression herself, and I know I'm only making it worse.. I want to be there for her during her hard times, not make them worse.
When I'm "on," for lack of a better way to phrase it, I feel I'm generally a well-rounded kid, respect and manners are both important to me, but when I get mad and extremely depressed, it's like all of that's gone.
How can I support her during her depression when I have depression and quick mood swings myself? What can I change? I've just started getting help, but I was told it'll be a few weeks before the medication and therapy starts to work.
I just feel so bad, our house is a disaster, financially we aren't doing so well, and she's been trying so hard to move forward from my dad's death and I'm only bringing her down. I don't want to ruin her, or our relationship.
Thought it'd be worse mentioning too, my psychiatrist said that I don't necessarily have an anger problem, but my anger is directly related to my depression, so that's why he doesn't want to send me to anger management, he doesn't feel it's necessary.