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Author Topic: Feeling TOO CONSCIOUS? *Repost* *Possible Trigger?*  (Read 294 times)

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Offline 59Ballons

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Feeling TOO CONSCIOUS? *Repost* *Possible Trigger?*
« on: May 15, 2014, 03:39:19 PM »
This is a bit unorthodox to do here on this site... But a user named "Sunsatia" posted this a year ago... And I feel like this needs to get out on this site again because it is just god awful, and it didn't get many responses. I feel exactly the same way, and im 15 years old. I will paste Sunsatia's post below. This is NOT my article, i'm just re-posting it. Here it is:

Hello people.

My mind is in so much anxiety I can't bear it, it's too much. It's been more than 2 months now and it started to get worse. I feel hyperaware of my existence, like I am too conscious. I feel like I was unconscious all my life and now my mind opened and I am ovely conscious of my existence and it's scary. I feel afraid of life, of me being me, and feel stuck being alive and having consciousness. It's super weird and it gives me panic attacks, very very bad panic attacks. I am afraid of the fact that I exist, it's like a phobia of existence (not death), and it doesn't make sense. I don't know how to explain it to my psychiatrist either because I decided I am going back on meds. I can't live like this, It's hell, and I want my consciousness to go back to the way it was before, but I feel that now I am 'aware' of something I wasn't aware before (of my own existence) and there is no way back. Once someone is aware of something you can't get UNaware of it. I don't know even what it is, I think it is anxiety but I am not very sure, it's HYPERANXIETY maybe, am I the only one with this weird symptom? I feel like an alien, like I am new to 'living'. I freak out not because of any straight reason but because well.. I'm alive. I feel like my whole life before this I was living unconscious and now I am conscious and it's very very scary. Initially it started with panic attacks now it's a constant feeling 24/7, can someone relate?

That was the post^

It's almost like the opposite of Depersonalization.. And it causes really bad anxiety and a strange feeling when you think about how you are possibly just now awakening and life will never be the same.. Everything you knew was a lie.

Please respond!! Love you all
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Distraction is life's best remedy.

Offline natp89

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Re: Feeling TOO CONSCIOUS? *Repost* *Possible Trigger?*
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2014, 07:25:35 PM »
This is exactlywhat happened to me triggered bby a fear of death I'm going on 4 months now BT slowly getting better
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Offline breathefree

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Re: Feeling TOO CONSCIOUS? *Repost* *Possible Trigger?*
« Reply #2 on: May 16, 2014, 01:26:40 AM »
I've had that feeling (or something similar) at varying levels of intensity since I was 12 years old (currently 26). My mum was into Buddhism and Advaita Vedanta philosophy a lot when I was younger, and they talk about it as a kind of "enlightenment" or super-awareness that is worth actively trying to achieve, so I always just kind of assumed it was a combination of over-thinking and too much philosophy at a young age.

Might be worth checking out some of their stuff to see if you find it relatable, or perhaps helpful in reducing your fear. Fair warning, though, I think it's a bit weird personally and sometimes find it a bit triggering if I go too deeply into it. Existentialist philosophers talk about something similar too, I believe (e.g. Sartre's Nausea). So at the very least you're not alone :)
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