Thanks for taking the time to reply to all of us. We're happy to hear of your progress and new questions.
Life is tough already. Being married, having children, trying to find happiness each day is challenging. By what you've written, it 's easy to see that you care about your wife and your family. And it sounds like you are doing all you can do. Do not get discouraged. No matter what you may see, we all have to work at marriage or being parents. There is no manual because every couple or parent is unique.
Try new things. If your wife responds positively to one idea or you have a great few days, look at what you can do to replicate that. It's not easy, but see if you can figure out what is working. If you have a rough patch, consider what is being said and if it shows any changes (since last time you argued).
Finally, if you feel that your wife is spiraling alot and you can't seem to slow or ease the anger that one or both of you feel, it may be time to consider if there is a hobby or cathartic way to release the tension. Some people like to run, others like to box, play tennis or racquet ball. You may not have alot of time, but finding an activity that uses alot of aerobic energy can reduce some of these emotions. Just something to consider.