Anyone else feel this way? I had a Depersonalization episode a few months ago, and since then, the obsessive thoughts started. I asked myself "why are we here" "is this real" "am I making everything up?" For a few weeks. Then, a month ago, I took up Solipsism, but that lasted only a few days because it's absolute nonsense. However, now I will constantly dwell on my thoughts. Here is how it goes:
1.) I think "Life is pointless"
2.) I spent the next 20 minutes in a cold sweat dwelling on that thought.
3.) During those 20 minutes, I think "I'll never get better."
4.) I think "I feel trapped in my own body."
5.) I get worried because I think that "Life is only about crawling through each day in order to feel anxious again the next day. I will never feel better..."
6.) I feel heavy dread and think "What if I am going to slip into another consciousness and another body"
They build on each other, they get more and more bizarre, and they drive me insane. It's gotten to the point where I feel like a totally different person and a totally different *thing* between anxiety episodes.
When I'm not worrying, like when Im focusing on a task or hanging out with friends, it's almost like time passes by quicker and I can't really remember in detail what went on. While i'm not worying, I completely forget about my issues.
However, when i'm in that anxious, depersonalized state, I can literally recall everything that went on.
It's sad because I think that the only way that I'll feel better is to go through life in that numb relaxed state, when that was how I was feeling my whole life up until the last few months!!!
I think what has been going on is that in my pre-occupied mind, I forget about my bullshit anxiety and I love life like a normal human being. Time passes by quicker... Like it would in a normal mind while one is distracted. However, in my anxiety mind, as soon as the distraction leaves, the thoughts come back and I feel like absolute crap again. But in a normal mind, I would just think about normal things and think about the day ahead... Like what I have to do when I get home, what I have for homework, etc. in my anxiety mind, all of that is taken up by obsessive thoughts about life's existance, why we are here, insane and crazy thoughts, and Depersonalization.
I have come to the conclusion that the Depersonalization ignited these thoughts, and I just let my Obsessive brain think about them nonstop. Steps that I will begin to take are:
1.) Try to ignore those thoughts.
2.) Tell myself that no matter how bad it gets, I can always be pre-occupied and I will feel better.
3.) Tell myself that it is just my thoughts.
4.) Tell myself that life is real and there is nothing to worry about.
Anyone else feel like life has changed and you aren't "yourself" anymore?