I've been watching my mother fight peritoneal cancer for the last three years, and she died last Thursday, after going downhill very, very rapidly. It was the hardest thing in the world to watch her slipping away, incontinent, unable to breathe, in hospice. Thankfully the very end was peaceful.
My health anxiety resurfaced at the time she was diagnosed in 2011. I went through a wide array of cancer fears (lymphoma, stomach cancer, pancreatic cancer, colon cancer, skin cancer), all of which proved to be baseless. From January 2014 onward, however, my fears have centered on neurological diseases like MS and ALS. I've had mild twitching, fatigue, tiredness, that odd internal "vibrating" feeling, etc. Never consistent, never every day, but often enough to freak me out on a regular basis. Now, since my mother's death, my limbs ache and feel heavy, are beginning to twitch again, it seems more difficult to lift things that I could ordinarily lift with ease, etc. I'm still walking on the treadmill daily to try to keep my spirits up, but I just feel exhausted all the time, and the health anxiety skyrockets every time there's a twitch or an ache. (Tellingly, most of the symptoms vanish after a Xanax.)
I guess I just want a little reassurance, here. Is the fatigue really just grief and depression? I know that depression can make you weak and tired and unable to do things you'd ordinarily do. But the health anxiety makes me think it must be something neurological -- rational mind be damned. My doctor thinks it's just nerves and depression and doesn't even think a neuro needs to be consulted. I'd just like some thoughts from people here.