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Author Topic: Separation Anxiety  (Read 202 times)

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Offline kercare

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Separation Anxiety
« on: May 07, 2014, 01:30:46 AM »
So, please do not laugh or judge me on this...but I sometimes think I have separation anxiety when I am away from my parents. The thing is, I am in my late 20's and experiencing this.
I know that separation anxiety is usually something that little children have, so I know it's odd that an almost 30 year old does.
I guess it's because my parents are the only people I can really trust and feel protected with. I know that with them I will be safe and if I should get sick, they would take care of me.
I can't trust others very well, especially when it comes to dealing with my anxiety.
Even at work I feel anxious because they are not there...you know just in case something would happen I would have them there for me.
Is this really odd for a person my age to be so attached or dependent upon their parents?
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Offline Kylamarie95

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Re: Separation Anxiety
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2014, 02:48:29 AM »
I am 18 and have the exact same thing with my mother, It's almost embarrassing because I feel I can't continue my own path in life and grow without having my mommy by my side... it makes me afraid to do anything without her there.
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Separation Anxiety
« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2014, 06:01:01 AM »
Nothing odd about it at all. You feel safe around your parents. They are like your safety blanket. So when away from them you miss the comfort they give you. Now we know you can't be around them all the time. So it may be good to try and find something else that makes you feel some form of comfort, other than your parents. For those times you are away from them. It could be something special to you. That you can carry in your pocket. You feel anxious, you put your hand in your pocket and you can feel this comfort object. Study it with your hands. The shape of it. The weight of it. Just something else you can focus on. Help you out during those times you are away from your parents. There are many others like you out there. Even grown adults. Wives who get anxious when the husband is at work. You are far from alone with this one.
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Offline kercare

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Re: Separation Anxiety
« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2014, 02:38:18 PM »
Thank you guys! Makes me feel a lot more reassured!
I like your idea Cuchculan, about carrying an object in your pocket. I will have to find something! :)
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Offline SummerSun41

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Re: Separation Anxiety
« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2014, 12:19:47 AM »
Believe me- this is pretty normal, even for people without anxiety. I'm getting married next year and will (obviously) move out of my parent's house into a new one with my future hubby, and honestly- I'm scared to death! It freaks me out that everything I've ever known- the house & street I grew up on, my neighbors, my whole environment- will be different. But a GOOD different. You just have to remember that your parents are always just a text, phone call, or drive away. Try not to think about it and focus on all the good things and good feelings you'll get from being independent. Take care! :)
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Offline Revenga1979

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Re: Separation Anxiety
« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2014, 09:41:28 AM »
Hi There,

I am brand new to this forum, but I came across your post and I wanted you to know that you are certainly not alone.  My family actually lives across the country and I get really bad when they leave to go home.
At the moment I am crippled with Anxiety because my boyfriend is leaving for Mexico in two days for his brothers bachelor party and I am not dealing so well with it. In fact I think the fear of the separation anxiety from him triggered me into full blown panic attacks which prompted me to visit the Dr and found out I have Generalized Anxiety coupled with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  I totally understand how you feel.  The Anxeity of being separated and the what if's of while he is away are bad enough, the OCD makes it impossible to do anything but dwell on the what if's and the actual moment I have to say good bye.

I know it is hard, trust me I know.  You are not alone, remember that.  I am about to embark on a week long separation I am not coping well with and adjusting to new medication which makes me feel aweful at the same time. 

It's good you came here, you can be reassured that you are not the only one, a lot of times just talking about it helps.  I find it does anyway
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Offline kercare

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Re: Separation Anxiety
« Reply #6 on: May 09, 2014, 01:30:41 AM »
Thanks for the kind words, SummerSun! :)

Revenga, It's great to know that I am not alone! I hope you are okay when your boyfriend leaves. I know it's hard.
I also have panic attacks and GAD. It's a horrible cycle!
Take care
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Offline DeeRuss

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Re: Separation Anxiety
« Reply #7 on: May 10, 2014, 02:45:42 AM »
This is my first post on this site, and would you believe I found YOUR post immediately and I'm dealing with the exact same issue? So no, you're not the only person going through this and it seems youve gotten lots of responses from new friends who are tackling the same anxieties.

Maybe my plight will make you feel a bit better. I am terribly afraid of my Mother dying and being separated from her. I'm almost 38 and this has been an ongoing problem for years. It's embarrassing and hard to talk about. It's difficult to confront and scary to think of life without her. We live together and although I have a Father (they are divorced but amicably), and a couple of good friends, I feel a bond with her that is so strong that it's almost too strong.

So, I'm always worried and obsessing that she'll die and leave me alone and I'll end up in a complete panic and alone and in a scary hospital with uncontrollable fear, loneliness and mental illness and of course, she won't be there to help me through it. I waste a lot of time and emotional energy on these thoughts and they're really hard to shake. (I don't find therapists particularly helpful in this department).

I've never been able to be fully out in the world on my own. My job history is spotty as was my school attendance (you guessed it! Separation anxiety as a child! Did you have attendance issues as well?) My ex boyfriend wanted me to live with him but it just didn't feel right. I ended that relationship and couldn't envision leaving my home to live in his place (although I do believe it had to do more with him and not my phobias in this case).

My Mom and I are extremely close and just as you feel about your parents - that they're the only people you can trust and you feel safe with - I feel that way with my Mom. The boyfriends I've had are either envious of the relationship I have with her or don't understand and/or judge my anxiety disorders (clearly, this problem is not the only problem I have, lol).

What can I tell you that will help? Hmm...My Father worried in an obsessive manner over HIS Father - my Grandpa dying (was this passed down to me biologically or was it learned or a combo thereof?) My Grandpa did eventually die, and my Dad had emotional problems after, but he does regret the worrying while my Grandpa was still HERE. Does having children of your wn ease the separation from our parents? is that the right reason to have kids? I dont have children and most likely never will. What are your thoughts on having your own family? You're still so young!

I get it when people try to give me advice on this concern - love your parents while they're here. Cherish each moment. Nice sentiment. Not so easy to employ - especially with separation anxiety and a worried mind.

Bottom line - I think what you're going through is normal! It may not be this way for the majority of the population, but then again, the majority of the population aren't sensitive, loving, caring individuals who have a nice relationship with their parents.

Let me know how things go and please stay in touch. Realize that there's nothing wrong with you and that it's not uncommon to have separation phobias as an adult. And I hope the woman who's boyfriend is away is coping well. You are all in my thoughts and prayers!
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Offline andyinfear

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Re: Separation Anxiety
« Reply #8 on: May 10, 2014, 06:39:44 PM »
I personally think this is a normal part of GAD. At least with the people I've known/talked to. We feel a constant state of unease and worry. Being around the people that you care about and trust the most is comforting. And, it's a really hard habit to kick. I have in the past a few tines. But, since my sister passed away I haven't been able to kick it. So, I really feel for you. I hope you find a way to cope. And maybe keeping an object with you is the best idea you've got on here so far. Good luck! I know I need it too.
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Offline DeeRuss

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Re: Separation Anxiety
« Reply #9 on: May 13, 2014, 01:49:40 AM »
I'm so sorry about your sister, andyinfear. I can't even imagine your pain and loss. I feel for you. And I think you're right in some ways about G.A.D. I just think some people have more extreme G.A.D. symptoms with Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia and Separation Anxiety and lead truly phobic lives. Some people - certain ones I know personally I should add - have G.A.D. and Social Anxiety but still function on high levels that I get envious.

KERCARE! I received your message and went to respond but since I am a new member, I wasn't allowed! I have to create a couple more postings and then I should be able to write a pm to you! I read your message many times and believe me, SO much of it sounds like me and my experiences (the leaving the trip early, etc). I'm glad I found a kindred spirit in you! I wish there was a way I could reach out to you right now! So frustrating! Please bear with me. I'm with you and I'm your new friend. Funny how SEPARATION anxiety brought us together! :)
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