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Author Topic: HOCD?  (Read 480 times)

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Offline GeoDude

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« on: May 05, 2014, 06:14:24 PM »
It seems as though my "HOCD" has made me desensitized to things that are homosexual. Dont get me wrong it's still gross but i don't find myself to be petrified of it anymore, which concerns me.... I dont know if this is anxiety screwing with my brain or what but it just dosent seem to as disgusting, only a tad. Furthermore, I get the sensation of sucking another dudes ____ (you know what i mean) and I get disgusted and dont like the feeling but i feel like im lying to myself. I also feel like all of the disgusted faces that im making and the slight "puke-y" feeling, is just me faking it  and that I actually enjoy that kind of stuff. Lastly, I get the typical things with HOCD like if I think a guy looks nice or handsome then my brain just fixates on the fact that im going to be gay, as well as when i was in my all boys gym class one day, i felt my ___ move but i didnt achieve an erection nor have I ever to a guy. I sometimes get random erections but I blame that one on puberty.  So what do you guys think? is this desensitizing thing indicating that i am gay or even bisexual (Trying to not obsess over this one, now that i think of it).
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Offline gtripoli

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« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2014, 06:05:19 PM »
Sounds to me like you are experiencing what many term a 'back door spike', when your particular obsession doesn't give you the same anxiety it used to, you start to question whether you are bothered by the obsession. From what I have read, this is par for the course with OCD.

OCD will always sucker you into doubting that the worse case scenario is possible. Your worse case scenario has simply changed slightly from 'am I gay' to 'what if I have always been gay'. It seems new and frightening, but it's just OCD doing what it does best, making you doubt everything.

Have you had any CBT therapy? If not, I really suggest you see a professional to guide you through it, or pick out a book or two on the topic. I personally enjoyed "Imp Of The Mind".
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