so tomorrow i'm going to see my favorite band play live. naturally i should be nothing but excited, right? well, i AM excited, to an extent, but i'm also already feeling panicky at the idea of feeling ill while i'm there. needless to say, it's kind of a huge damper on the excitement, which is depressing.
i'm sitting here thinking about all the opportunities i might have tomorrow to feel sick or have a panic attack. the concert is two hours away, so there's the fear of getting carsick. then i'll be in a city i've never been before (something that used to excite me, but now only makes me feel panicky ever since my anxiety flare-up since i'm always wondering where the closest hospital is). then i'll be in a crowd of people, which would be a nightmare if i were to suddenly pass out or throw up for whatever reason. i'm terrified of something astronomical happening to me physically that will ruin the entire night.
this isn't the only time i've had this sort of preemptive anxiety. my symptoms are always ten times worse when i'm in any sort of public setting because i'm focusing on them so much more intensely than i do when i'm safe at home in my bedroom. does anyone else notice this with their anxiety and how it seriously dampens the excitement of situations that SHOULD be positive ones? and if so, how do you combat those fears? i just want to have ONE good night without panicking about how i'm feeling. just once, i want to forget about my anxiety and feel like myself again. but if i'm already feeling this nervous just at the prospect of getting sick tomorrow, the chance of that is pretty small, and i want to fix that.