I used to take ambien every night. You are supposed to take it for no more than two weeks, I took it for, oh, a year and a half. But what I did was I cut the ambien up until I was taking the smallest dose I could. I don't know what the Xanax dosage is, but is it possible to take a smaller dose? I had 10mg Ambien tablets that I cut into 1/8ths. It was just that tiny little that helped at night to take the edge off until I was asleep. And then if I woke up with my heart pounding, I could take another 1/8th and still only have had a 1/4 of a tab total.
But, regardless, my psych got me off the ambien by giving me a small dose of Trazodone. It's an anti depressant at 400mg, but at 50mg - 100mg it's a non-habit forming sedative. I take 100mg 1/2 hour before bed and it knocks me out. It's not like I can't wake up if there's a noise or something, but I'm so tired I just fall back to sleep. The other night my wife was going to read for a minute and I said goodnight. The next morning I asked her how fast I fell asleep and she said, "I think you were asleep within 15 seconds." Ask your pdoc about it. Might help you sleep instead of panic, and without the Xanax.
And I completely know what it is like to be going through severe mental health crisis while in a long term relationship. When my OCD kicked into overdrive and I became severely depressed and even suicidal my porridge wife suffered so much and couldn't understand anything about what I was going through. Getting the help you need is the best thing you can do. Just tell your significant other, "I know you don't understand this, and I'm sorry you have go through this with me. I love you, I promise Two things. One, I'm going to get the help that I need; and two, this is temporary. Recovery doesn't happen overnight, and there will be ups and downs, but ultimately I will get better."
It's fantastic that you're going to the pdoc! I hope he/she is amazing and caring and a genius to boot.
Good luck. I'm rooting for you. You're not alone.