Hi Louie... Welcome to Anxiety Zone. My name is Chuck, and I am one of the Global Moderators here on the site.
Now take a deep breath. I want to start off by saying that you are not a failure by any means.
Anxiety and depressive disorders are real diseases, with actual organic origins, no different than diabetes or arthritis. In many cases, they are chronic conditions that wax and wane. The old adage of just "pulling yourself up by the boot straps", doesn't apply. If it did, all of us would just go on our merry way.
I suffer from anxiety/panic disorder, with panic attacks. I am on anti-depressant therapy, and I am learning cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). I am so glad that both medication and therapy are available to me, to improve my quality of life.
So give yourself a pat on the back for going over a year without medication. And use all the tools (medication, therapy, etc.) available to you, to improve your life both now, and in the future.
The very best to you, Louie!... Chuck